As you address your supporters assembled on the floor of the convention hall (all 551 of them), it helps to note the significance of your location. Apparently, this place has hosted many distinguished speakers, so you talk about how honored you are to share a space with their lecture series.
Outside the main hall, pay close attention to the people who were there early in the campaign. Look especially closely at the group who knows how to charge up your base, and they will show you what you need to gauge your potential as a candidate.
Hardly the newest kids on the block, these experts can nonetheless help keep you informed on all the important issues of the day.
Every political campaign needs to build up an ample war chest. But rather than cave to big-money special interests, you rely on donations from your oldest and dearest friends. People with whom you’re on a first name basis. They just happen to be rich.
As you direct your efforts toward building up a list of volunteers, support from influential interest groups can help. You try to stake out positions that appeal to multiple groups, while not forgetting about key influencers (like pig farmers and Freemasons).
A great campaign poster can make or break your image to voters. The right people can paint a picture that will help boost your numbers.
In politics, the connections you make are as important as any other part of your campaign. Bring your followers together, or your campaign might disappear without a trace.
Time to take your campaign back to the people you hold above all others—your base. Some people might tell you it’s a bad sign when only three people show up to your campaign rally. But if you have the right mix, you can still make something of it.
|Number of attendees:||None||One||Two||Three|
|How many attendees appear to be holding an object (perhaps a campaign sign)?||Delete all repeated letters, retaining the first instance of each.||Delete all repeated letters, retaining the last instance of each.||Delete all instances of repeated vowels.||Delete all instances of repeated consonants.|
|How many attendees are female (as far as you can tell)?||Shift the first letter forward 12 places in the alphabet, the fifth letter forward 5 places in the alphabet, and the last letter backward 6 places in the alphabet.||Shift the first letter forward 17 places in the alphabet, the seventh letter forward 1 place in the alphabet, and the ninth letter backward 10 places in the alphabet.||Shift the second letter forward 6 places in the alphabet, the seventh letter forward 3 places in the alphabet, and the last letter backward 14 places in the alphabet.||Shift the second letter forward 1 place in the alphabet, the ninth letter forward 11 places in the alphabet, and the last letter backward 5 places in the alphabet.|
|How many attendees seem to be “leaning left” (from your perspective)?||Insert “E” before and after the last letter.||Insert “S” before and after the last letter.||Insert “U” before and after the first letter.||Insert “W” before and after the first letter.|
|How many attendees are putting their hands together?||Delete the middle four letters in the sequence and replace them with “E”.||Delete the middle four letters in the sequence and replace them with “A”.||Delete the middle six letters in the sequence and replace them with “ON”.||Delete the middle six letters in the sequence and replace them with “IL”.|
|How many attendees are jumping up in the air (probably for joy)?||Reverse the first six letters in the sequence.||Reverse the last six letters in the sequence.||Reverse the first four letters in the sequence and move them to the end.||Reverse the last four letters in the sequence and move them to the beginning.|
|How many attendees have a thoughtful demeanor (i.e., appear reflective)?||Insert “ES” after the first and third letters in the sequence.||Insert “ETAL” after the first and last letters in the sequence.||Insert “OFA” after the third and seventh letters in the sequence.||Insert “ENT” after the third and ninth letters in the sequence.|
Nothing else can compare to the power of the spoken word when it comes to swaying elections. If you can drop an inspirational quote, people will repeat it for you.
Everything so far has been building up to this moment. As you make your last push to get folks to the polls, focus on the fellows who have turned up most reliably over time. If you can find more than one at a time, all the better.
Where you go next is for you to discover. You might not reach the office you seek. But if you’ve paid attention to the places you’ve been, they might lead you someplace else. You may find yourself better off not acting like someone you’re not, not having to repeat yourself all the time. Maybe the filthy world of politics isn’t for you, after all.