Welcome to Secret Admirer, the premier site for meeting clearanced personnel! We’re so sorry the previous matching specialist quit the day before you started, but we’re sure you can figure out the special mission skills, pet peeves, and favorite pastimes of these spies and find the best matches for them. (It would be nice for everyone to be perfectly happy, but hey, two out of three ain’t bad!)

In addition to their profiles, your predecessor left some notes of things they’d been able to find out about this group:

1. The spy who enjoys solving crossword puzzles always eats lunch outside in the quad, together with the technology specialist, the spy who hates those annoying people who eat and drive, Alexandria, and Isabelle.
2. Harriette and Gwendolyn were once part of a joint mission with the spy who enjoys writing poetry, the spy who reads lips, and the spy who hates it when there are rats in the air vents. Now the five of them always eat lunch together in the cafeteria.
3. Three of the spies—the spy who enjoys factoring large numbers in their head, the spy who hates it when Microsoft Office freezes, and Jefferson—went to college together, but none of them has ever served in the military or participated in a joint mission.
4. The spy who enjoys swiping left on dating profiles, the spy who flies helicopters, and Harriette all enlisted in the Navy after high school and didn’t go to college.
5. Four of the spies—Christopher, Demetrius (who doesn’t know how to pick locks), the lip reader, and the spy who enjoys obsessively calling HQ every five minutes—all enlisted in the Army after high school and also never went to college. Two of them eat lunch in the quad and two in the cafeteria.
6. The spy who hates faulty hidden cameras also has awesome survival skills. They eat lunch with the lock-picking specialist.
7. The spy whose special mission skill is undercover tango dancing (and who served in the Army after high school) enjoys conjugating verbs.
8. The spy who enjoys whittling small animal figurines also hates wearing heels that make noise when you walk.
9. Fitzgerald, who is not the lip reader or the spy with superior night vision, hates those annoying partners who are late to the drop.
10. Jefferson, who is not annoyed by people who eat and drive, enjoys birdwatching.
11. Evangeline, who does not write poetry or hate rats in the air vents, is the acrobat who can sneak past laser security.
12. Broderick eats lunch with the covert operations specialist and the spy who hates those annoying people who recline their seats all the way into your lap on an airplane, but does not eat with the spy who hates dead batteries.
13. Demetrius eats lunch with the spy who enjoys playing solitaire on their iPhone and the spy who hates pockets with holes in them, but does not eat with Broderick.
14. The martial artist (who doesn’t enjoy solving crossword puzzles) eats lunch with Isabelle, but only one of them went to college.
15. Gwendolyn (who is not the helicopter pilot, and does not hate getting blocked by grates in ductwork) eats lunch with the spy who enjoys hosting silent dance parties.
16. The covert operations specialist does not enjoy whittling.
17. Their home addresses look pretty spread out, except that Alexandria lives on the same street as both the spy who has awesome survival skills and the spy who enjoys factoring large numbers in their head (who isn’t Isabelle).
18. The lock-picking expert does not hate it when Microsoft Office freezes or when pockets have holes in them.
19. None of the spies have served in more than one branch of the armed forces.