Wise Guys

Cop: ... So the perp started out next to that naked couple, headed west, hung a right, and then ran a bit further. That's where you come in. Can you describe him?
1: He was like a snake.
2: No, no, he was like a string.
3: Thicker -- like a rope.
1: More like some hair, I'd say.
2: Hmm. Maybe like a blade of grass?
4: Too drab. He was like an iris.
3: Wait, what were we all thinking? He was like a spearhead!
4: I'd say just the shaft, myself.
2: A staff, you mean? The wooden kind?
1: No, not that kind of staff -- the other kind.
4: What, you mean a flag? Yeah, I'd go with that.
3: Not a flag, a flask.
5 [running in]: Sorry I'm late. Anyway, as I'm sure everyone has already told you, he was like a cat.
4: Not a whole cat, surely -- just a grin.
5: A frown, maybe.
1: Shut up, 5. Anyway, I've got it straight now -- he was like a lens.
2: Well, an eyehole anyway.
Cop: Neither of which would do any of you any good, clearly.