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You're Telling Me

by Liam Thomas


This is a puzzle based on the “You’re telling me a shrimp fried this rice?” meme where noun phrases are reparsed to have unexpected meanings. The clues are given alphabetically by answer. Once solved, the lengths and parts of speech of the reparses are given in a new order, along with an index. Indexing the phrases with the given values gives the answer phrase “DOES COAL COME OUT OF THE FAUCET” with an enumeration of 6 4, which gives the answer CARBON SINK.

Are you making a picture of a flat surface?DRAWING BOARD1D
Who would employ a liquid?WATERWORKS7O
Isn't scaring a reptile animal abuse?RATTLESNAKE11E
Do you need me to give instructions to a stop?TRAIN STATION6S
Is that like a blunt weapon for beating Canada or France up?COUNTRY CLUB8C
I'm pretty sure stones are made of elements too dense for fusion.ROCK STAR2O
WWE seems dangerous enough without any weapons.ARM WRESTLING1A
Are those what you use to drink aqueous humor?EYEGLASSES5L
What's the point of frightening a child?COWBOY1C
Throwing cutlery around seems too dangerous.PITCHFORK7O
You need some milk taken out, boss?ICE CREAM8M
Can a two-dimensional space even contain a gas?AIRPLANE8E
Why do you need me to cut some twigs?CHOPSTICKS3O
You mean to say that this firearm shoots appendages?HANDGUN6U
You're telling me there's a scam happening around Wimbledon?TENNIS RACKET1T
Are you telling me you want me to make a timepiece panic?ALARM CLOCK8O
How's an insect supposed to get a job now?FIREFLY1F
Are you asking me to record the dirt until something comes out of it?TAPEWORM1T
Are you cleaning a mechanical device?WASHING MACHINE4H
I didn't think that footwear could move by itself.RUNNING SHOES11E
I mean, unless you're billed by the hour, wouldn't you always want a legal ordeal to be short?BRIEFCASE5F
You'd need billions of insects to make something tall enough to show up on a map.ANTHILL1A
Is it even possible to wash the lack of something?VACUUM CLEANER4U
Do you need me to give proper attribution to a piece of paper?CREDIT CARD1C
Do you need to find out how fast a display is?TIME FRAME4E
Is that where you go into the woods and shoot a crossword?PUZZLE HUNT10T