By Jenn Braun, TK Focht, Dan Katz, Todd McClary, Tanis O’Connor, Greg Pliska, Connor Stokes, and Brooks Willis

There are eight merchants, each looking to buy five items. This matches with the forty items you can acquire from quests. The five items each set a merchant wants share a property, and each set can be ordered. Match each item with the number in that box for the merchant, then extract that letter from the item name. The extracted letters read SELL THIS USELESS JUNK AND GO ON A SHOPPING SPREE. When solvers submit this answer, they receive six new items in exchange for their current inventory.

Merchant Items
Facetious Frank

Frank’s items each contain a single vowel repeated five times, ordered by the vowel.
7Madman’s Jackal Mask
8Severe Beret
3Lil’ String Bikini
5Worn Loop of Gold
5Burnt Sulfur Lugnut
Suitable Sarah

Sarah’s items each display a different suit from a deck of cards (including joker), ordered by the number of items of the suit displayed.
1Harlequin Doll
5Cardiac Devices
5Iron Shovels
11Officer's Truncheons
1Sparkling Necklace
Little Larry

Larry’s items each include an SI prefix for a negative power of ten across the word break, ordered from 10-3 to 10-15.
10Tamil Liqueur
3Polyatomic Robot
3Sienna Notebook
6Mississippi Collectible
3Unsafe Mtorolite
Star-Crossed Steve

Steve’s items each have a hidden zodiac symbol in their picture and are ordered from Aquarius to Gemini.
9Shield of Judgment
3Neural Blade
1Nebular Gloves
4Tacky Jeweled Helm
5Ultrasonic Boots
Holy Hannah

Hannah’s items each contain one of the first five books of the Bible, ordered from Genesis to Deuteronomy.
7Sega Genesis
13Ultima III: Exodus
13Leviticus Single
2Lottery Numbers
1Old Deuteronomy Sheet Music
Mourning Mike

Mike’s items each contain a stage of grief, ordered from denial to acceptance.
3Denial of Service Attack Plan
7Anger Management Book
15Bargaining Chips
18Depression-Era Clothing
18Acceptance Letter to MIT
Flag-Bearing Flo

Flo’s items each have a semaphore letter in their graphic, ordered from A to E.
14Architect’s Compass
3Super-Accurate Tri-Square
2Little Statue of Liberty
3Fancy Pocketwatch
10Broken Twig
Musical Maria

Maria’s items each start and end with a solfège note, ordered from do to sol.
5Domestic Avocado
4Red Pinafore
10Mint-Flavored Salami
4Faded Sofa
6Soldierly Parasol

Six Final Items

Wicked Cursed Broadsword -7
Wand of Vanishing +9
Holy Water of Blessing +7
Dictionary of Translating +3
Cursed Bunsen Burner -1
Calculator of Extrapolating +16