by Mark Halpin and Nathan Fung



Each of the lines given is a Tom Swifty, and may be completed with the punchline "Tom said X-ly." The adverbs begin with unique letters G through W, so answers should be ordered thusly. Each line also contains a superfluous word, one which rhymes with a digit "one" through "nine". Those numbers are used to index into the answers.

StatementTom Swifty
"That bloody severed eyeball is reminiscent of hulled grain, [bricks], and a British four-penny coin."groteSquely (groat-esque)
"It's absolutely terrible when Ebert [picks] acts like a high-strung kid."hyperCritically
"[I've] ... waves ... constant ... phase ... relative ... not ... "incoHerently
"I wasn't serious about the guy playing the guitar [score] for The Fray."jokIngly (Joe King)
"Ah, I see this house lacks a [straight], subordinate projecting part."knowingLy (no wing)
"My converted warehouse apartment is far, far better [done] than yours."Loftily
"My eyes tear up when I think of the program matching [few] students to international research and internships."mIstily (MISTI)
"May I please have a piece of this [fun] foliated metamorphic rock?"Nicely (gneiss)
"I'm willing to concede that Love [Hate] & Life singer's last name sounds Irish."obliginGly (O' Blige)
"A couple of [spine] surgeons are simultaneously better and worse than just an individual."paradoxiCally (pair of docs)
"I contend that you're wrong about the total number of [wee] crossbow bolts."quArrelsomely (quarrel + sum)
"Apropos of nothing, that's the oldest [free] dorm on campus."raNdomly
"I dare you to eat this mush made from meat and cornmeal [mix]!"scrapPily (scrapple)
"I repeat yet again: I do not have any [new] radials or retreads."tIrelessly
"On my honor, I love music from a compact piano: [heaven]!"uprighTly
"Oldman absolutely sucked playing that [ Glee] singer."viCiously
"Your frigate has its complement of [live] marines, your most glorious majesty."worsHipfully (warship full)

Doing so yields the brief comment SCHILLING CAN PITCH, which, it might be imagined, Tom said CURTLY.