Eight Not-So-Deadly Sins

Miss Oriflamme appeared to live by a strict moral code. Others, however, were not quite so orthodox.

July 2, 2005

Dear Diary,

I can't wait to tell you about the amazing date I had last night with Danny!!! You remember I told you last week that he had asked me out for tonight. Imagine! the senior team quarterback asking ME out!!!! Well, the date finally came, and I'll tell you all about it. Although I'm very scared you will think I am a monstrous person. I really went wild last night, and I'm so afraid people will find out! I know I can trust you, Diary, not to tell anyone what I'm about to confide in you!

Danny was supposed to arrive at 9, and as usual I was running a bit late. I was running around like a chicken with its head cut off, afraid he would arrive at any time while I was not yet ready. And wouldn't you know, as soon as I did up the zipper on my dress (you know, the emerald green silk number that I wore to Judy's wedding in February), I noticed a brown stain near the waist in the front!!! I was so panicked! I was worried that it could be chocolate, and chocolate on silk is so hard to get out! Luckily, I used that stain remover stick that Joe had recommended and that I happened to have bought recently just in case something like this came up. And it worked beautifully! The stain came out with only a few minutes of light rubbing, and the color of the dress didn't fade or anything. Some day I'll have to write the company and do a product testimonial!!!!

Just then Danny arrived! He looked perfect, standing there in a tuxedo with a blue cummerbund and a bouquet of white peonies in his hand. I welcomed him in, and put the peonies in water in the crystal vase I got for such a steal at Filene's Basement last year. I apologized profusely for not being ready yet, and he was such a gentleman! He said not to worry. So I left him in the living room as I ran upstairs to finish.

Well, since he was so dressed up in a tuxedo and all, I figured I'd wear Grandma's emerald pendant to complete the outfit. But wouldn't you know, the chain was completely tangled in a big ball. Luckily, my nails are still pretty short because of the shih-tzu incident, so I was able to get necklace unknotted in under 10 minutes.

I then realized I hadn't offered Danny anything to drink!!!! He probably thought I was a completely rude and thoughtless person! I ran downstairs and found him browsing some magazines in the dining room. "Would you like anything to drink?" I asked, and he said, "Do you have any coffee?" Well, of course I wasn't going to use the instant stuff I drink in the mornings. I wasn't even going to use the beans I had ground last week and put in the freezer only the best for Danny. I ground a handful of kona beans in my vintage hand-cranked grinder from Sur La Table, and I was just about to put it in the filter when Danny said, "I'm sorry come to think of it, Coach told us to cut out all caffeine, so I guess I shouldn't have that." He seemed kind of sad about it I think it was really hard for him to smell those delicious beans and say no at the same time. I tried to comfort him and told him I understood, and then I went back upstairs to finish my makeup.

I still hadn't decided on what color palette to wear. My normal colors (Seashell/Foam/Brown Mist) just seemed too boring for a special occasion. But would the jewel tones be too garish? I finally decided on a spectrum of glitter shadows (Westerly Magic/54/Hot Nutmeg).

As I was doing that, I noticed a stray eyebrow smack in the middle of my nose bridge! Of course, that had to go, and I plucked it out. If I do say so myself, I looked pretty good when all was said and done.

What an idiot I am! When Danny said he couldn't drink anything with caffeine, I should have offered him something else! Stupid stupid stupid!!!! When I came back downstairs I asked him if he'd like anything to drink before we left. He thought a moment and said, "Do you have any OJ?" I didn't!!! But I didn't panic I thought quickly and realized that I had bought a 5-pound bag of oranges at the supermarket a few days ago. I went into the kitchen and made us some fresh-squeezed orange juice from 10 oranges. Luckily, nothing got on my dress!

It was cool last night for this time of year (thank goodness it's warmed up again!) so I grabbed the white cardigan on the way out. I could see there was a thread loose, but I knew I didn't have any time to do anything fancy, so I just pulled on it a bit until the thread was hidden in the knitting. Finally, we were out the door and on the date!

I'm sure you are shocked at my appalling behavior yesterday. I am so ashamed! Needless to say, I have some soul-searching to do.