Interpret Perplexing Texts

by Brian Shimanuki and Nishant Pappireddi

Answer:
BIRDIE

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We are given a list of strange clues. It turns out that each one clues a phrase which is a mashup of two idioms with a similar meaning. For example, "A slice of quiche" clues the phrase "piece of pie," which is a mashup of the idioms "piece of cake" and "easy as pie." We then find the opposite mashup of the idiom pair to get "easy as cake," which fits in the 3rd line of blanks.

The following table shows all the idioms and mashups:

ClueIdiom MashupIdiom 1Idiom 2Other Mashup
A slice of quichepiece of piepiece of cakeeasy as pieeasy as cake
Accidentally pour the felinespill the catlet the cat out of the bagspill the beanslet the beans out of the bag
All except the 324 incheseverything but the nine yardsthe whole nine yardseverything but the kitchen sinkthe whole kitchen sink
Applejack or Rarity, if they could be knocked out in a single blowone hit ponyone trick ponyone hit wonderone trick wonder
Attach preservatives to broken bonesadd salt to injuryadd insult to injuryrub salt in one's woundsrub insult in one's wounds
Avoid chewing on an equine's tongue, especially if it was given as a presentdon't bite a gift horse in the mouthdon't bite the hand that feeds youdon't look a gift horse in the mouthdon't look the hand that feeds you
Batter a deceased piece of documentationbeat a dead recordlike a broken recordbeat a dead horselike a broken horse
Cappy closing and opening both lidsblink of a hatblink of an eyedrop of a hatdrop of an eye
Celebratory comforterparty blanketwet blanketparty pooperwet pooper
Chomp on the pailbite the bucketbite the dustkick the bucketkick the dust
Cover a person's incisors with a fleecepull the wool over one's teethpull the wool over one's eyeslie through one's teethlie through one's eyes
Expel the lipids from the gunshoot the fatchew the fatshoot the breezechew the breeze
Forest area for angrily trampling on the groundstomping woodsneck of the woodsstomping groundsneck of the grounds
Fried potato slice comes down close to the saplingchip doesn't fall far from the treechip off the old blockthe apple doesn't fall far from the treethe apple off the old block
Grab the molten magnetic metalseize the iron while it's hotseize the momentstrike the iron while it's hotstrike the moment
In the middle of Satan and a rigid locationbetween the devil and a hard placebetween a rock and a hard placebetween the devil and the deep blue seabetween a rock and the deep blue sea
Meditate and then jumpthink before you leaplook before you leapthink before you speaklook before you speak
Natural satellite belonging to Eeyoredonkey's moondonkey's yearsonce in a blue moononce in a blue years
Part of a queue belonging to a body appendagein the line of a limbout on a limbin the line of fireout on fire
Place chai onto a platedish the teaspill the teadish the dirtspill the dirt
Refrain from shedding tears beneath the overpassdon't cry under the bridgewater under the bridgedon't cry over spilt milkwater over spilt milk
Scrub the dihydrogen monoxidewipe the waterwipe the floorblow out of the waterblow out of the floor
Set someone back an upper limb passing through the naval cavitycost an arm through the nosecost an arm and a legpay through the nosepay and a leg
The entire underworld strikes the rotating cooling machineall hell hits the fanshit hits the fanall hell breaks looseshit breaks loose
Tossing flechettes into drinking tubesthrowing darts at strawsgrasping at strawsthrowing darts in the darkgrasping in the dark
Turning tool in the salvemonkey wrench in the ointmentfly in the ointmentmonkey wrench in the worksfly in the works
Weighty plus sign to fractureheavy cross to crackheavy cross to beartough nut to cracktough nut to bear
Wide as the coxathick as the hipthick as thievesjoined at the hipjoined at thieves
You don't have to dissect thrustersit's not rocket surgeryit's not rocket scienceit's not brain surgeryit's not brain science
Zingiest onion of the cratesharpest bulb in the boxsharpest tool in the shedbrightest bulb in the boxbrightest tool in the shed

Once all the blanks are filled in (see Appendix), we can extract letters in order from the numbered spaces. This gives BIT GOES A LONG WAY ASK ONE POINT I YOU SO ITS GREEK TO WAYS TO SUNDAY. This can be split into five phrases, each with a missing part:

  • A little bit goes a long way
  • Ask one point blank
  • I told you so
  • It's Greek to me
  • Six ways to Sunday

The missing words can be combined to give the cluephrase A LITTLE BLANK TOLD ME (SIX). The blank can be filled in with the final answer, BIRDIE.

Appendix - Filled in blanks

WET POOPER
2119
OUT ON FIRE
4824
EASY AS CAKE
538
PAY AND A LEG
459
KICK THE DUST
26
DROP OF AN EYE
1054
SPILL THE DIRT
2233
CHEW THE BREEZE
43
FLY IN THE WORKS
29
ONE TRICK WONDER
2737
SHIT BREAKS LOOSE
723
TOUGH NUT TO BEAR
306
JOINED AT THIEVES
4735
STRIKE THE MOMENT
1738
LIKE A BROKEN HORSE
25
NECK OF THE GROUNDS
3611
ONCE IN A BLUE YEARS
5114
GRASPING IN THE DARK
1231
BLOW OUT OF THE FLOOR
142
LOOK BEFORE YOU SPEAK
1832
WATER OVER SPILT MILK
3440
IT'S NOT BRAIN SCIENCE
16
THE WHOLE KITCHEN SINK
1341
LIE THROUGH ONE'S EYES
215
RUB INSULT IN ONE'S WOUNDS
3
BRIGHTEST TOOL IN THE SHED
446
THE APPLE OFF THE OLD BLOCK
3952
LET THE BEANS OUT OF THE BAG
4450
DON'T LOOK THE HAND THAT FEEDS YOU
2028
BETWEEN A ROCK AND THE DEEP BLUE SEA
549