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My Dinner With Big Boi
- Person 1: I've decided to have surgery in London.
- Person 2: Don't forget to change trains in Paris!
- Person 1: You're a silly lass.
- Person 2: I'm just a fan of interconnectivity.
- Person 1: I know what you mean. Once it took me almost THREE MONTHS to travel the globe.
- Person 2: That's not unusual, pussycat.
- Person 1: You always say the correct things.
- Person 2: What can I say, I've got a really pretty brain.
- Person 1: Reminds me of the time I found myself on an unexpected vacation.
- Person 2: Where were you on vacation, The Colosseum?
- Person 1: No, it was a city in North Dakota.
- Person 2: USA! USA!
- Person 1: And I on my way to catch a plane…
- Person 2: … USA! so lovely…
- Person 1: And my Lyft chauffeur said —
- Person 2: Oh! Was it… "Don't crush your hand in the apple machine!"?
- Person 1: No, he said "The Soviets are on their way! Don't make me say it again."
- Person 2: Sounds like a really decent guy.
- Person 1: Well, he was from Jersey.
- Person 2: Not a city in Bavaria?
- Person 1: Anyway, right then, a bit of sunlight hits me.
- Person 2: Like a state on fire.
- Person 1: … and all of a sudden — BANG — we hit another car.
- Person 2: Sounds like a bumpy ride.
- Person 1: It was inexcusable, and I'll never let it go.
- Person 2: You deserve reparation.
- Person 1: The guy drove like a Roman dictator.
- Person 2: Or like Gordon Shumway, that is.
- Person 1: Then he leapt out and screamed, "Sweet dreams and I hope you don't die!"
- Person 2: Did anyone see this happen?
- Person 1: Just this one-man band.
- Person 2: Just like Julia and Eric's dad!
- Person 1: Yeah, I loved his bebop, big band, fusion, …
- Person 2: The dude could drizzle.
- Person 1: After that, I walked to The Red Mill.
- Person 2: Isn't that the shop where I got my ink of Axl?
- Person 1: No that was called The Queen of the Nile.
- Person 2: Or was it Queen of the Gods?
- Person 1: No, THAT place was owned by McFly.
- Person 2: What was his first name, Truman?
- Person 1: No, I think it was Bandito.
- Person 2: Sounds like a really perilous connection.
- Person 1: I'll tell you this: he was a very rich child.
- Person 2: I wouldn't want to compete with him to see who could produce the most tears.
- Person 1: Whether it's pepper, cayenne, oregano… that's your guy.
- Person 2: Yikes, spicy stuff makes me turn red and blue.
- Person 1: Really? It makes me speak lots of different languages.
- Person 2: When was this, June 21st?
- Person 1: Yes, and it was a really warm evening. Like really warm.
- Person 2: Oh yeah, right after cold front hit the whole country.
- Person 1: So, then, I found a pilot…
- Person 2: Did you write 手紙 to Sulfur Island?
- Person 1: I couldn't understand that.
- Person 2: Sorry, I just recently got my degree and was showing off. Go on.
- Person 1: It was tough to get her away from her tangoing with Geri and Freki.
- Person 2: Those are the ones who looted the missing boat!
- Person 1: I know, it's the kind of thing that makes you want to murder a passerine.
- Person 2: I'm sobbing and murmuring just thinking about it.
- Person 1: (to waiter) Hey! Mr. Stone!
- Person 2: Oh, you'll never believe who's joining us to eat.
- Person 1: (to waiter) Avez-vous ma saveur préférée de crème glacée?
- Person 2: She fights wild animals in front of a crowd.
- Person 1: (to waiter) … and make it HUGE.
- Person 2: And she has this lovely aroma.
- Person 1: Merci. (Turns back) Everything here tastes like hardtack.
- Person 2: Try pureeing it.
- Person 1: I give this place a D.
- Person 2: I can't decide between ordering a Cosmo… or a different Cosmo.
- Person 1: I got the Gwen's Smooch. It stung.
- Person 2: What's in that? Honey, pumpkin, sugarplum?
- Person 1: Just spit and polish.
- Person 2: Get back to your story, this is why I rise up from bed every day.
- Person 1: I should've come over to where you sleep and told the story there.
- Person 2: Only if you could evict the demons first.
- Person 1: Hmm. So, I rode over the spooky creek.
- Person 2: Did you see any spectres?!
- Person 1: No, but the going was slow, there were lots of cars on the road.
- Person 2: Don't hit another car, you'll cut yourself and need a lot of bandages.
- Person 1: Especially if we're hit laterally.
- Person 2: … and you'll need more clothes. From your armoire.
- Person 1: We passed Hobbes and Puff, though we could barely see them.
- Person 2: You'll never see those two, even if you start now and go forever.
- Person 1: And then we saw several horse-drawn vehicles, aflame!
- Person 2: Pour some out for those who've left us.
- Person 1: Finally we were able to separate ourselves from the pack.
- Person 2: Just like my favorite Cincinnati team.
- Person 1: And the pilot throws off their cloak to reveal themselves to be —
- Person 2: … Elizabeth II?
- Person 1: No no, she's so busy boxing with that member of Parliament and all of her friends.
- Person 2: Was it Barry Sanders covered in snow?
- Person 1: Nope. Last I heard he was trading a Wachowski movie for a Zwick.
- Person 2: My beloved and a ghost?
- Person 1: No! It was Charlie Daniels, dressed up as Santa!
- Person 2: That's no easy task!
- Person 1: Thank god it wasn't Elvis. We'd make a weird pair.
- Person 2: No weirder than Nickleby and Lady Ogilvy II.
- Person 1: You can say that again… or write that on two stone tablets.
- Person 2: This pilot was great at steering the plane, giving orders, and taking people to antipodes.
- Person 1: Yep, and then we went over 5000 energy-efficient feet up in the air.
- Person 2: Did you see spray paint across the country?
- Person 1: Only some tigers and stargazers in the meadow.
- Person 2: Clattering like little rocks on the beach.
- Person 1: Uncovering mysteries and untruths.
- Person 2: With no risk of a rebellion about the prize money.
- Person 1: We landed in Ethiopia, but then we left.
- Person 2: Is that where grandfathers aren't allowed?
- Person 1: Not really, there are a handful of simple steps to avoid that.
- Person 2: One of them is to not anger a bee.
- Person 1: Sounds like a recipe for immediate world annihilation.
- Person 2: You know, we should leave if we're gonna hit the final screening tonight.
- Person 1: Oh yeah, my source told me it's a good one. What's it about?
- Person 2: It's about 3 after and 5 before what we've been talking about this whole time.