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Solution to First You GO to…

New You City

by Jen McTeague


First things first, follow all the instructions and identify the different people or places in each step. This starts off being fairly mundane, but the second half has you jumping around fictional universes. The enumerations at the end of each section help you figure out the exact name, and they can also help you figure out where to put each item in the telegram.

An explanation of each step is available at the end of this document.

When the telegram is filled out, the numbers produce the message “REFILL THIS TELEGRAM IN A DIFFERENT ORDER WORLD OF BLANK DOT COM WILL HELP.”

Attempting to go to during the hunt leads to a website that tells you that you need to replace the blank with what the puzzle is about. So what is this puzzle about? Each of the people and places are properties on a different variant Monopoly board. Clues towards this include the capitalization of GO in the title and the fact that there are exactly 28 of them, which is one for each property, utility, and railroad.

At this point, you need to identify which space from a regular Monopoly board is the equivalent for each of the puzzle’s spaces. Each space is used exactly once. To help with this, the year for each Monopoly version is provided, and the numbers in front of the instructions place the Monopoly versions in alphabetical order.

Once each space is identified, place the names in the telegram now in board order, and the highlighted letters spell CREATE YOUR TEAMS MONOPOLY BOARD, which is the answer.

Data Table for First You GO to...
Puzzle OrderPropertySpaceVersionIndexLetter
Paragraph 25MediterraneanCraster's KeepGame of Thrones1C
Paragraph 7BalticHorse Guards ParadeOlympic Games3R
Paragraph 14ReadingTime TrainBack to the Future4E
Paragraph 3OrientalDeath ValleyNational Parks3A
Paragraph 11VermontThe Android's DungeonSimpsons1T
Paragraph 18ConnecticutHanta SeroMy Hero Academia5E
Paragraph 17St. CharlesCyprine/PtilolSailor Moon2Y
Paragraph 15Electric CoMicroverseRick and Morty5O
Paragraph 22StatesMauna LoaSpongeBob Squarepants3U
Paragraph 23VirginiaRhinoSpiderman1R
Paragraph 9PennsylvaniaTitanicDoctor Who (Villains)1T
Paragraph 1St. JamesKendall SquareCambridge, MA2E
Paragraph 8TennesseeAfrica OyeLiverpool1A
Paragraph 27New YorkBeaumondeFirefly5M
Paragraph 4KentuckySt. Paul'sLondon Underground7S
Paragraph 10IndianaParliamentCape Town7M
Paragraph 21IllnoisSea of ScienceYellow Submarine4O
Paragraph 5B&OFenchurch St. StationUK Edition3N
Paragraph 12AtlanticNational Guard StationThe Walking Dead5O
Paragraph 19VentnorProwlTransformers1P
Paragraph 28Water WorksMoisture FarmStar Wars2O
Paragraph 24Marvin GardensBouncing Bumble's CliffRudolph the Red Nose Reindeer13L
Paragraph 6PacificAbbey RoadBeatles5Y
Paragraph 20North CarolinaWildberry KingdomAdventure Time5B
Paragraph 26PennsylvaniaPelennor FieldsLord of the Rings7O
Paragraph 16Short LineGalaxy WarpSteven Universe4A
Paragraph 2Park PlaceFenway Park, BostonHere & Now9R
Paragraph 13BoardwalkExodia the Forbidden OneYu-Gi-Oh4D

Annotated Steps

4. Start at Kresge Auditorium. Travel approximately 2,960 feet directly to your next location. If you can’t fly, first of all, learn. I don’t want to hear about laws of physics - you’re going to have to break many more of them for this puzzle. If you HAVE to walk around buildings, don’t count that distance in. While you’re at a specific underground building, use the name of the neighborhood it’s named for. (7 6; 2020)

(This takes you to the Kendall/MIT Red Line stop)

9. Step into the train, and get off in two stops. Switch to a different train, and take that 5 stops to a place that specializes in appliances. Walk 6 minutes to go approximately southwest. You should be somewhere with lots of people. (6 4, 6; 2006)

(The stop that is a place that specializes in appliances would be Kenmore - not an actual place that specializes in appliances, to the dismay of old Bostonians who kept picking a different stop in testsolving.)

14. Get back onto the train you got off and go back to the first train you were on in the previous step. Travel on it until you get to the 201, and take that 9 stops. Walk towards the Dunkin’ Donuts (cause of course there is one here), and you’ll find a shopping center. Look at one of the stores here that should remind you of a Center on the West Coast. Teleport there. I told you that you were going to have to break a few laws of physics. I warned you. Travel approximately NNE for about 184 miles. You should find yourself in the middle of a park. Don’t be scared - it just sounds scary. And you came prepared for a hike, right? (5 6; 2014)

(The 201 is a bus line, and if you follow those directions you go to a Staples. This takes you to the Staples Center, and then 184 miles to the NNE is Death Valley.)

11. Listen to the radio! There’s a game of Mornington Crescent being played! Let’s do that, but backwards. Teleport to Mornington Crescent, travel 1 stop, change to a different branch of the train, travel 5 stops on that train, change trains, then travel 1 stop. (2. 4’1; 2019)

(This is taking you to St. Paul’s. You have to change branches because Mornington Crescent is on the wrong one to take you to Bank.)

26. Come above ground - ooh that building looks fancy! That must be what the last place was named for! Walk down Cheapside until you get to Poultry, then continue on Poultry. Continue on Poultry until you get to Cornhill. Continue on Cornhill until you get to Leadenhall. Continue on Leadenhall until you get to Billiter. Continue on Billiter until you get to a big diagonal building. Go into that. (9 2. 7; 1948)

(This takes you to Fenchurch St. Station. When it says a “big diagonal building”, I mean “a _big_ diagonal building”.)

3. Hop on the A40 west and turn off when you need to in order to get to the London Zoo. Yes - bike there. You’re complaining about needing a bike when I’ve already asked you to teleport and travel in time. Anyway, stay on the west side of the park - if you can manage to pull yourself away from the cute animals - and turn off on Grove End Rd. You’ll hit this next place - it’s not obvious, but it’s clear from a certain angle. I’d tell you the street, but… well… (5 4; 2008)

(This takes you to Abbey Road. It’s very visible if you start messing around with Google Street View.)

15. Okay, so get back on your bike and take the A5 to the A4202. From there, you’re going to bike past Buckingham Palace until you get to Whitehall st. Don’t worry, despite the name, there are no equestrian bouncers. (5 6 6; 2012)

(This is the Horse Guard Parade. Hopefully you went straight to Whitehall st. by Buckingham Palace, and then looked for a 5 6 6.)

10. Good news - you can ditch the bike. Bad news, you’ll need a car. I’m sure you’ll be able to find a car somewhere. Please don’t do an imitation of Grand Theft Auto though. Only do legal things for puzzles. Get in the car and take the M40 to the M42 to the M6 to the M62. You’re going to take a left on Queens Drive until you get to a park. Now, if you leave the car, you’ll notice a blue police box nearby. Hop in that box and take it back to June 16, 2018. Enjoy the music. (6 3; 2019)

(This is probably the hardest clue in the puzzle. The location is Sefton Park, and if you go back to June 16, 2018, you’ll be at a musical festival called Africa Oye. Fortunately, you’re pretty obviously in Liverpool, so once you get to the Monopoly board step, you can look for 6 3 on the Liverpool Monopoly Board.)

6. Well, since you’re in the blue police box, you might as well take it somewhere it’s been before. Look back through the history of the police box, and discover where it went on Christmas 2007. Travel there, but don’t stay too long. Those meteors look really close. (7; 2015)

(This is referring to the Doctor Who episode Voyage of the Damned, which took place on the starship Titanic. Spoiler alert: it’s fared about as well as its namesake.)

5. Okay, come back down to present day Earth. You’ve got one more real place to visit. Of course, with all of space available for you to go to, it’s hard to focus on a specific place. Also these controls are weird - it’s not asking for a location, but for three words. Try putting in socialists, congealing, and dorsal. I don’t know - seems random enough. Oh hey look! You’re right where you need to be! (10; 2015)

(This is a clue that uses what3words. This takes you to the Parliament building in Cape Town, South Africa.)

19. Back to the United States. Which state? Eh. Pick one - there’s 34 of them that will work. Go to the town square, and next to the diner, you’ll find a store. The name sounds like it should have Dragons, but oh well. Grab whatever issues you’re missing, but if you’re looking for the She-Hulk vs. Leon Spinks crossover - they’re in the trash in the back. (3 7’1 7; 2019)

(The town is Springfield. It has been said that there is a Springfield in every state in the US, but in actuality, there’s only 34 of them. Springfield points you to the Simpsons, and the comic book store in that series is called The Android’s Dungeon (& Baseball Card Shop, but that’s not on the Monopoly space). )

24. Well, if this is a comic book shop, you might as well read a comic book. This shop has issue 38 of your favorite comic book series! Run, don’t walk to grab it off the shelf. (This comic book universe already has enough walkers.) In this issue, a bunch of characters scrounge weapons from a location that hadn’t been touched. When they left, they blew it up, which stopped other people from getting more weapons, but gave away their location. (8 5 7; 2013)

(The comic book series is The Walking Dead, as indicated by the groan worthy comment about walkers - what the characters call zombies. This is a description of the National Guard Station in issue 38.)

28. Might as well play some cards while you’re here. Oooh - these look fun. The back is like a black and brown swirl or vortex. You’re not quite sure how to play this game, but these five cards form a person, so you might as well play them. One arm, the other arm, one leg, the other leg, and now the main one. Oh? You won the game? How convenient. (6 3 9 3; 2016)

(The game is Yu-Gi-Oh, and the cards referred to are called Exodia the Forbidden One. They are a set where if you have all 5 out then you win the game, which makes them the second most famous cards in the game, after Blue Eyes White Dragon.)

2. Okay, so now we’re going back to the Old West. The year is 1885. Hide your time machine, because if the two main characters knew you had a time machine, they would never create the thing you need to go to. Find a vehicle going 88 miles per hour off a bridge. Don’t worry. It’ll come back 100 years later. (4 5; 2015)

(Hopefully most people identified this as Back to the Future III from the references to Old West, 1885, and a time machine. Getting the specific reference here is hard because the board calls the train a Time Train but that’s not what anyone who remembers the movie calls it.)

16. From there, you’ll need to go visit some people who were inspired by the previous people you met. From there, you’ll find that your car battery is not working anymore. I’m sure you have lots of questions as to why your time machine is powered by a car battery, but it’s best not to think about it. Fortunately they have experience with this, and they can travel inside your battery to try to fix it. You’ll be surprised at how many people are in your battery! (10; 2017)

(Back to the Future was an inspiration for Rick and Morty, according to interviews with the creators. And you can see it - somewhat - if Doc Brown drank too much and made worse life choices. This is describing a specific episode called The Ricks Must Be Crazy, and the location is the Microverse.)

23. Hmmm. While you’re animated, you might as well visit a few other animated locations. In order to do that, we need to find a way to travel between many different locations quickly. Fortunately, there is a convenient place in Siberia. It currently doesn’t work, but if some aliens come through it, they’re generally harmless. Besides, you’re quite a gem yourself. (6 4; 2016)

(And thus begins the blatant jumping from one fictional universe to another aka the place where I started doing a lot of googling to learn about stuff I haven’t read or watched. At least I started it with a site based around teleporting? This is the Galaxy Warp - a Steven Universe reference.)

18. When you travel to this next location, it’s time for your magical girl transformation. You should also probably pick a celestial object to name yourself after. You’ll need to transform in order to defeat the person you’ll be meeting next. People? Weird. Sometimes they’re one person, sometimes they’re two people - mostly when they’re fighting other people. Either way, hurry up and beat them and get out of Mugen Academy. (7/6; 2018)

(Hopefully, the magical girl transformation + celestial object clues were enough to get you to Sailor Moon. Googling Mugen Academy and looking for someone who is sometimes one person and sometimes two will get you to Cyprine/Ptilol.)

13. Another teleportation to another universe. If you don’t have superpowers, you should not mention that to people here, since 80% of folks have a superpower. If you do have a superpower, then why are you solving this puzzle? Go be an awesome superhero and save people! Anyway, find someone here who can shoot tape out of their elbows. This is not a joke. (5 4; 2020)

(80% of folks having a superpower should hopefully get you to My Hero Academia, and the person who can shoot tape out of their elbows is Hanta Sero. Or maybe you don’t even need the My Hero Academia clue. I mean, how many people shoot tape out of their elbows?)

25. Going into the next world, you’ll find that your time machine breaks down and you’ll need someone to help you. Walking up to a police car, you see if this is an universe where the police are actually helpful. There’s no one in the car, but when you get close, the police car turns into a giant robot! It’s almost like it’s a turn-into-another-thing-er! Fortunately, this robot has infinite patience and can help fix your time machine. (5; 2017)

(This is referencing Transformers, and you need to find a Transformer that turns into a police car and has lots of patience. This refers to Prowl.)

1. Time to flip to a different universe again! It’s not going to be easy to get that universe, but as one of its residents will tell you, suckin’ at something is the first step to being sorta good at something. Stepping out of your machine makes you want to say ooo. It’s a wonderful sight. You’re looking for an area that was once a giant bush shaped like a tree, but is now laid out much more like a normal city, and where all of the residents are fruit. (9 7; 2013)

(Ooo is the world of Adventure Time, which is also where the genuinely nice quote about suckin’ at something leading to be sorta good at something comes from. The description is of Wildberry Kingdom, which changes as the series goes on.)

27. Once again, time to change universes. In this case, your time machine should land in a giant canary-colored underwater vehicle. Following this band around, all sorts of songs are going to play, but you care about only a northern song. Outside the vehicle is a giant psychedelic experience, but that is what you’re looking for. Good thing that you’re switching universes at every step from now on, cause this would be a very trippy place to stay. (3 2 7; 2013)

(Apparently there is both a Beatles Monopoly and a Yellow Submarine Monopoly. Oh the joys of capitalism. There are lots of experiences that can be called psychedelic in this animation, but you care about only a northern song. Specifically the song “Only a Northern Song”, which plays while they are in the Sea of Science.)

21. While you’re underwater, you should navigate to somewhere else underwater - in particular a downed ship. This downed ship isn’t a real ship - it’s actually an amusement park. Don’t try riding any of the rides - they’re broken and the last creature who tried went to jail. You will see a sponge and a starfish nearby. (5 3; 2014)

(Sponge and starfish hopefully clue you to SpongeBob Squarepants. This is describing an episode called The Wreck of the Mauna Loa.)

20. Once you have transported back to the surface, you’ll be in the middle of a superhero vs. supervillain fight. Everyone’s favorite arachno-humanoid is fighting a big dumb brute. The brute is speaking in Russian, and the super strong polymer on his skin means that he’s very hard to hurt. Also, that horn on his head looks like it hurts! Watch out for that charge! (5, 2012)

(Everyone’s favorite arachno-humanoid is Spiderman, and one of his famous villains is called Rhino.)

17. Teleport yourself to an arctic cliff. Watch in horror as one person charges into a yeti and knocks them both to a bottomless area. Don’t worry! They’re both going to be fine at the end of the movie! It’s Christmas after all! Just remember the song! (8 6’1 5; 2005)

(The song is Rudolph the Red Nosed Reindeer, and this is referencing the Monopoly board based on the 1965 television program. This is another thing that only really has a name on the Monopoly board - it’s called Bouncing Bumble’s Cliff.)

8. Your next trip takes you to a log hall in the middle of the woods. You feel like you’re supposed to play musical chairs here, but there’s only one actual chair, and besides, Sesame Street already made that joke. This hall is north of a giant wall, and is currently being visited by a series of night watch folks who are on an expedition north of the wall. Given who’s responsible for this universe, you should probably not stay for too long - random deaths happen all the time. (7’1 4; 2015)

(The universe is Game of Thrones. Everyone loves a good Game of Thrones = musical chairs joke. The place being described is Craster’s Keep, with a fact that should be true whether you watched the HBO series or read the books.)

12. While traveling from the previous location to this one, you should put on the Epic Rap Battle of History between these two authors. It’s a wonderful battle. Anyway, speaking about battles - this next area that you’re going to is the place of a large battle. Be careful about your assumptions here - not all of the warriors are men! One will probably proclaim that very loudly at an opportune moment. (8 6; 2021)

(The Epic Rap Battle of History pits George R R Martin and J R R Tolkein. This is referencing the famous battle at Pelennor Fields when Éowyn screams “I am no man” and defeats the Witch-King of Angmar. LotR stans please don’t kill me if I got minor details wrong here - it’s one of the only things I remember from the movie and my googling seems to prove it correct.)

7. Boo with all these fantasy places - let’s go to space! Let’s go to a “beautiful world”. It’s weird that the name is derived from French, since the two dominant languages around are English and Chinese. This world is filled with factories and other industrial buildings, but I wouldn’t recommend going into any of them. No one who has gone in has come out to tell the tale. (9, 2015)

(A fictional universe in space that mixes a lot of English and Chinese would be Firefly. I presume. Most of what I know about Firefly I learned from the MIT Mystery Hunt. The specific world referenced is Beaumonde.)

22. For your last location, teleport into a desert. I mean, what would you expect of a planet with two suns? You’re teleporting to where it all begins - a location that is built around getting water in this desert area. And you best get out before the protagonist gets his space wizard powers. Who knows what would happen if the other space wizards get a hold of your time machine? (8 4; 1996)

(Space wizards = Star Wars. This is the Moisture Farm at the beginning of movie 4.)

Author's Notes

This puzzle is a reference back to the puzzles First You Visit Burkina Faso and First You Visit.... I think it is safe to say that both of these puzzles have gone down in Hunt lore at this point, and what's the point of having two without completing the trilogy?

I realize that I am the both the puzzle author and the meta author, but I swear that it was a complete accident that the answer was exactly 28 letters long. I came up with the puzzle title, then decided to make it a Monopoly variant puzzle, then went to see if I could rewrite the answer to be an interesting number of letters, only to find out that it was the right number of letters. A happy little accident.

To all those board gamers who are sad that they spent all this time on Monopoly - I feel your pain.