Public Access

# Solution to Crow Facts 3000

by Ben Smith and Jen McTeague

## Step 1: Texting

When you text the phone number, it starts a conversation where the app delivers the solvers exciting Crow Facts and asks them trivia questions. As they are solving the trivia questions, they hopefully notice that all of the questions relate to Mystery Science Theater 3000. That’s right - the Crow in Crow Facts is Crow T Robot!

START

Thanks for signing up for Crow Facts 3000! You now will receive fun daily facts about CROWS! (*v*)
Crow Fact #11: Crow has a hut with some unusual legs, and there's something similar about his name.
To continue receiving Daily Crow Facts, reply 'crow'

crow

Thanks for subscribing to Crow Facts!
Crow Fact #1: Crow is outstanding in his field and he's got being scary in the... well... you know.
Would you like to receive a Crow Fact every hour?

J6w5346wd83hd3

(J6w5346wd83hd3 is MYSTERYSCIENCE, but each letter is up and to the left on a QWERTY keyboard.)

You now have a <year> subscription to Crow Facts and will receive fun <hourly> updates!
Crow Fact #9: If you saw Crow and then you saw a four footed beast, accented with horns like a deer, you might be experiencing deja vu.
Please estimate the number of turkeys that could fit in 26-100.

1000

(This is a reference to Turkey Volume Guessing Man from Episode 814. The app accepts any number greater than 999.)

Thanks for texting Crow Facts! Remember, every time you text you will receive an instant Crow Fact!
Crow Fact #10: Crow has power over thunder and lightning, but before he uses it, he shouts "I'M CROW!"
Fill in the blank below:
'This can be the haziest
'This can be the laziest
'This can be the ______ Christmas of all'

Swayziest

(This is a reference to Patrick Swayze Christmas from Episode 321.)

You are subscribed to Crow Facts, the internet's #1 source for facts about crows.
Crow Fact #21: Crow is the third in a line of ferocious monsters, all of which provide horrible sights to their captives.
Please describe what you would give to be ambidexterous.

right arm

(This is a quote from Crow, although it’s also said by other people.)

You are subscribed to Crow Facts, your source for fascinating facts about crows!
Crow Fact #19: It takes one week for Crow to transform and rise out of a body of water.
Who was really good in Mannequin?

Kim Cattrall

(This is a reference to Oh Kim Cattrall, from Episode 403)

Thanks for choosing Crow Facts!
Crow Fact #15: Crow goes to great lengths to hide his very big feet

Crow T. Robot

(Not a reference - this is just there to check if you understand the MST3K theme.)

Thank you for subscribing to Crow Facts!
Crow Fact #14.07: Crow has everything. He has the face of a cat, the body of a snake, and the blade of an army knife.
Here is your souvenir Crow map of the world! https://bit.ly/crowfacts3000

## Step 2: Countries and Monsters

The alphanumerics of the Crow Fact #s spell out KAIJU SONG. Either by questioning fans of the series or some relatively easy googling, solvers should come up with the song Every Country Has a Monster from Episode 1101.

After listening to the song, solvers should recognize that some of the Crow Facts are actually referring to the monsters from the song. Match up each fact with its monster and hopefully notice that the monsters are in alphabetical order, indicating that they need to be reordered somehow.

• Crow Fact #11: Crow has a hut with some unusual legs, and there's something similar about his name. - Baba Yaga
• Crow Fact #1: Crow is outstanding in his field and he's got being scary in the... well... you know. - Bubak
• Crow Fact #9: If you saw Crow and then you saw a four footed beast, accented with horns like a deer, you might be experiencing deja vu. - Déélgééd
• Crow Fact #10: Crow has power over thunder and lightning, but before he uses it, he shouts "I'M CROW!" - Impundulu
• Crow Fact #21: Crow is the third in a line of ferocious monsters, all of which provide horrible sights to their captives. - Kinga
• Crow Fact #19: It takes one week for Crow to transform and rise out of a body of water. - Peng
• Crow Fact #15: Crow goes to great lengths to hide his very big feet. - Sasquatch
• Crow Fact #14.07: Crow has everything. He has the face of a cat, the body of a snake, and the blade of an army knife. - Tatzelwurm

The solvers next step follows the song - solvers need to associate each of the monsters with a country. Each of those countries is present on the Google Map linked to in the texts, and has a bigram associated with it. When the solvers take those bigrams and order them by the order the monsters are in the song, it spells out NOW GO ONTO TWITTER.

Monster to Letter Conversion
MonsterCountryBigram
BubakPolandNO
DéélgéédNavajoWG
PengChinaOO
Baba YagaRussiaNT
ImpunduluSouth AfricaOT
TatzelwurmSwitzerlandTT
KingaMoon 13ER

## Step 3: The Twitter Account

Searching a bit on Twitter will reveal @CrowFacts3000. This Twitter account consists of 103 Crow Facts (and not 3103, as it may appear at first glance). Each of these facts can be sorted into one of eight categories depending on the word or words that the Crow Fact ends with. Each of these categories is clued by one of the Crow Facts from the Texting portion, which also gives the ordering of the categories. Count the number of tweets that are in each of the 8 categories and read them as alphanumerics to spell REDWOODS - another tall monster.

Extraction
MonsterCategoryNumberLetter
BubakWords that can precede “bag”18R
DéélgéédWords that take an accent5E
PengBodies of water4D
Baba YagaPairs of words with the same vowel pattern23W
ImpunduluWords that form new words with “IM” in front15O
SasquatchUnits of length15O
TatzelwurmTools in a Swiss Army Knife4D
KingaMST3K Episodes19S

## All the Tweets!

### Group 1: Bubak - Words that can precede “bag”

• Crow Fact #3011: Beware the call of Crow at night: "Come along, little doggy".
• Crow Fact #3015: Crow can go from 0 to 88 mph in 3 seconds and he can turn on a dime.
• Crow Fact #3021: Crow directed a masterpiece called "Crow Kills a Squirrel." When people didn't understand it, he turned it into a book.
• Crow Fact #3035: Crow is excellent at many different games, but hates golf. Apparently there is no course that will let him play golf.
• Crow Fact #3036: Crow is never chilly. He always makes sure to leave the house with an appropriate outer garment.
• Crow Fact #3039: Crow is smooth as silk, soft as cotton, and as sturdy as duffel.
• Crow Fact #3041: Crow knows when you are sleeping, he knows when you're awake. He only attacks when you are sleeping.
• Crow Fact #3045: Crow made a scene-by-scene recreation of Mannequin. Reception was mixed.
• Crow Fact #3048: Crow never likes the odds. Instead, he always bets the tote.
• Crow Fact #3057: Crow used to wear fake mustaches all the time, until his friends took matters in their own hands and threw them all in the garbage.
• Crow Fact #3071: Crow's job as an interior designer was short-lived. Apparently people don't like it when you paint everything brown.
• Crow Fact #3077: Due to a printing error, Crow was listed as #13 rather than #31 in InFlight Magazine's "32 Best Doctors For Your Colostomy".
• Crow Fact #3079: Every day, Crow eats 300 poppy-seed bagels with his cup of tea.
• Crow Fact #3081: Given that Crow is a robot, you might think that you would be safe in a lake. You're wrong. Crow protects his electrical bits with heavy applications of pond scum.
• Crow Fact #3083: If Crow attacks you, then the best treatment is to put salt on the wound and leave it overnight.
• Crow Fact #3089: Listen to our warnings - Crow talks a good game, and he's not full of hot air.
• Crow Fact #3090: People often say that Crow is an augur that can see the future. They misheard. He is an auger that can bury a body.
• Crow Fact #3091: Poor Mr. Davies thought he was safe after he made it through Sainsbury's with no incident. Crow attacked when he was bringing in the shopping.

### Group 2: Déélgééd - Words that take an accent

• Crow Fact #3007: An avid foodie, Crow maintains active subscriptions to Food & Wine, Saveur, and Bon Appetit.
• Crow Fact #3020: Crow didn't completely understand what he needed to do in order to audition for Black Widow, so he killed his fiancee.
• Crow Fact #3038: Crow is skilled in the decorative arts, including weaving, knitting, and macrame.
• Crow Fact #3096: There's a six-month waiting list for the six-month waiting list for Crow's class on new trends in decoupage.
• Crow Fact #3102: You would think that Crow would be tired of movies, but you can always catch him napping at the matinee.

### Group 3: Peng - Bodies of Water

• Crow Fact #3005: After sending in 3 million boxtops in exchange for platinum medallion status, Crow now flies exclusively first class on Delta.
• Crow Fact #3051: Crow plays a elven bard on Hunter Pence's Dungeons and Dragons stream.
• Crow Fact #3065: Crow's early collaborations with Jimmy Jam and Terry Lewis led to the creation of the "Minneapolis Sound".
• Crow Fact #3080: For reasons he refuses to explain, Crow has had a lifelong vendetta against Colin Firth.

### Group 4: Baba Yaga - Pairs of words with the same vowel pattern

• Crow Fact #3002: After a tough day of filming, Crow took all the prop mining equipment around and tossed them at his fellow actors. The event is now only referred to as the "pickax mishap".
• Crow Fact #3003: After an unfortunate year of babysitting three-year-olds, Crow calls the bathroom the "Poop Room".
• Crow Fact #3008: Another side effect of babysitting three-year-olds is that Crow will call a nostril a "nose hole".
• Crow Fact #3009: At San Diego Comic Con, Crow came dressed as Agent K - it was his postman cosplay.
• Crow Fact #3010: Back in the 1920s, Crow had a ventriloquism act with a live animal as his puppet. He called it "Crow's Miracle Giraffe".
• Crow Fact #3017: Crow can't stand the taste of lemon, so he throws away all the yellow starbursts. No one tell him about yellow mentos.
• Crow Fact #3019: Crow deleted his email account. To be fair, he only ever got spam - never a germane message.
• Crow Fact #3024: Crow figured out a way to infuse the air around him with alcohol. He made it rain lager, and he created a stout cloud.
• Crow Fact #3025: Crow goes Christmas tree shopping in the forest. He claims that it's just a free tree.
• Crow Fact #3028: Crow has a medicine cabinet filled with tiny Band-Aids, the largest bottle of Advil you've ever seen, and an expired package of honeydew lozenges.
• Crow Fact #3030: Crow has created his own language that only plants know how to speak. He stores his knowledge of it in his rosewood codebook.
• Crow Fact #3034: Crow is a stereotypical dice goblin. At the table, no one can see over his dice pile.
• Crow Fact #3037: Crow is one of the writers of American Horror Story: Homicide Domicile.
• Crow Fact #3042: Crow likes conning good-looking women. Nothing like a cute rube.
• Crow Fact #3043: Crow likes mugging Domino's drivers. When he goes out to do this, he says that he's going out to kidnap pizzas.
• Crow Fact #3049: Crow once got bronze in the Fantasy Olympics in the dragon slalom.
• Crow Fact #3050: Crow played the B-52's on a loop to one of the children he was babysitting. That kid became known as the "Rock Lobster Toddler."
• Crow Fact #3054: Crow sculpted a likeness of Servo out of marble, and then he made fun of him on the statue plaque.
• Crow Fact #3059: Crow was a chef with a world-famous dish, but as soon as you found out how it was made, it could only be described as a dour soup.
• Crow Fact #3063: Crow's blog about pasta is so popular it's on the first page of results if you google "noodle".
• Crow Fact #3082: His thieving skills needed some work, so Crow went to learn some new skills at the larcenists' gathering.
• Crow Fact #3094: Ten years ago, a pack of coyotes saved Crow's life. Every year on the anniversary of that date, Crow provides a feast for his honored coyotes.
• Crow Fact #3095: The ASPCA has banned Crow from performing any more tapir magic.

### Group 5: Impundulu - Words that form new words with “IM” in front

• Crow Fact #3006: All of Crow's toilet paper is 20 ply.
• Crow Fact #3013: Crow believes that Control-P should be for paste, so he uses Control-V to print.
• Crow Fact #3014: Crow can get any TV show 6 seasons and a movie, but you have to be willing to sign his devilish pact.
• Crow Fact #3033: Crow is a known drama vortex. If you are having an argument, UNDER NO CIRCUMSTANCES should he be asked to mediate.
• Crow Fact #3047: Crow makes a dirty joke every time he passes by the Washington Memorial.
• Crow Fact #3060: Crow was once the home run leader for the Arizona Diamondbacks, but that was years ago.
• Crow Fact #3062: Crow's "Extra Unvirgin" olive oil is made exclusively with the dregs of whatever's left on the press.
• Crow Fact #3068: Crow's favorite late-era Prince album is "Art Official Age".
• Crow Fact #3069: Crow's green thumb is so black he killed an artificial boxwood plant.
• Crow Fact #3072: Crow's least favorite piece of crossword fill is "ICE AX".
• Crow Fact #3078: Due to being a fire risk, Crow's electric bagpipes are still patent pending.
• Crow Fact #3084: If you're not wearing a large padded suit, it's best if you let Crow sleep in until at least 10:30 AM.
• Crow Fact #3097: Trust us, you don't want to know what fertilizer Crow uses to get great results in his flower bed.
• Crow Fact #3099: When Crow booty calls someone, he uses the hand emoji instead of the peach.
• Crow Fact #3103: Your clothes dryer isn't losing your socks. Crow just likes eating one out of every pair.

### Group 6: Sasquatch - Units of length

• Crow Fact #3004: After really getting into Pushing Daisies, Crow will watch anything starring Lee Pace.
• Crow Fact #3016: Crow can never remember if it's supposed to be "thee" or "thou".
• Crow Fact #3018: Crow competed in the American Wrench-Dodging Championships and crushed it. No one was in his league.
• Crow Fact #3026: Crow had a lot of trouble hiding bodies until he bought a house with a gigantic front yard.
• Crow Fact #3029: Crow has collected more Beanie Babies than you could ever possibly fathom.
• Crow Fact #3040: Crow knows a lot of physics, and got a job back in the day as the intern for Enrico Fermi.
• Crow Fact #3044: Crow loved the choice at Mystery Hunt 2020 to have that one puzzle read out by Oliver Smoot.
• Crow Fact #3046: Crow made the Kessel run in less than ten parsecs.
• Crow Fact #3064: Crow's dream acting job would be to be an extra in The Green Mile.
• Crow Fact #3070: Crow's hottest 2006 award-season take was that Ginnifer Goodwin deserved more recognition for her performance as Vivian Cash in Walk the Line.
• Crow Fact #3073: Crow's least favorite track off of Fleetwood Mac's Rumours is "The Chain".
• Crow Fact #3085: In an eternal quest to re-enact Toy Story, Crow has been perfecting his impression of Buzz Lightyear.
• Crow Fact #3087: John Updike used Crow's many misadventures as direct inspiration for "Rabbit" Angstrom.
• Crow Fact #3088: Just be glad you don't know the tenth of what Crow's done with his terrible little metal hands.
• Crow Fact #3101: Whenever he plays Super Smash Brothers, even if it's your Nintendo, Crow demands to play as Link.

### Group 7: Tatzelwurm - Tools in a Swiss Army Knife

• Crow Fact #3001: A generous bartender, Crow always doubles the amount of vodka when making a screwdriver.
• Crow Fact #3012: Crow _ALWAYS_ runs with scissors.
• Crow Fact #3053: Crow runs a lumber mill because he loves the feel of unprocessed wood. He rubs against it a lot, and to deal with the splinters he has industrial strength tweezers.
• Crow Fact #3055: Crow swallows his prey whole. This has many disadvantages, but it does mean that he never needs a toothpick.

### Group 8: Kinga - MST3K Episodes

• Crow Fact #3022: Crow doesn't need any snow to ski. He travels quickly down the mountain, and usually doesn't cause an avalanche.
• Crow Fact #3023: Crow doesn't need to be the seer to know who is the werewolf.
• Crow Fact #3027: Crow has a \$500 fine at the library for never returning his copy of the screenplay for Disney's Hercules.
• Crow Fact #3031: Crow has never received anything but coal from Santa Claus.
• Crow Fact #3032: Crow hates concealment, so when he plays Pathfinder, he always plays Smokeworker Hobgoblins.
• Crow Fact #3052: Crow projects an image of himself into his victims' bedrooms to let them know he's coming. They can't save themselves and he likes to see them squirm.
• Crow Fact #3056: Crow swore off tiki drinks after too many rum-based cocktails led to him having a zombie nightmare.
• Crow Fact #3058: Crow uses Sanka's perfect blend of great taste and good sense to staunch his terrible bloodlust.
• Crow Fact #3061: Crow won rave reviews from the Star Tribune for his performance as Polonius in the 1994 Minneapolis Fringe Festival production of Hamlet.
• Crow Fact #3066: Crow's favorite airports are TF Green International, the Lindbergh terminal of Minneapolis-St. Paul International, and San Francisco International.
• Crow Fact #3067: Crow's favorite Anne Geddes portraits are of babies dressed as whales or peas because he loves pod people.
• Crow Fact #3074: Crow's love of red salad dressings led to an incident the FBI is still referring to as the Catalina Caper.
• Crow Fact #3075: Crow's tour rider specifies that ONLY brown M&Ms should be present in the dressing room for his backing band, The Wild Rebels.
• Crow Fact #3076: Despite being corrected on numerous occasions, Crow refers to Atlanta as "the lost continent".
• Crow Fact #3086: In the episode A Town Called Mercy, Crow identifies most heavily with the Gunslinger.
• Crow Fact #3092: Since Crow started as a character on the Eastenders, his last name is technically Mitchell.
• Crow Fact #3093: Technically, all the charges were cleared when the mayor was informed that Crow was a puppet and therefore didn't need to wear pants. But in everyone's hearts and minds, he's still an outlaw.
• Crow Fact #3098: Until Crow apologizes for what happened at Lollapalooza 1997, he is prohibited from entering Chicago's city limits.
• Crow Fact #3100: When Elena Kagan had a bad case of strep throat, Crow was asked to fill in for the day as the Supreme Court's final justice.

## Author's Notes

This puzzle is a reference back to the puzzle Crow Facts, from the 2014 Hunt. That puzzle quickly became one of our favorite puzzles from that year, which is saying something given the overall quality of puzzles in 2014. However, if the absurdity of being texted ridiculous facts about crows wasn't enough, the two of us turned it into a Twitter game, where we ignored the Game of Thrones restriction and started tweeting out the most ridiculous facts about crows we could think of, pretending that there was a Twitter account that they were all coming from.

So thank you Kristen Sunter and Quinn Mahoney for creating a puzzle that inspired us so much. We hope you had as much fun solving this as we did solving yours.