by Mark Gottlieb
Each line of text clues two people, often obliquely. Although each clue refers to a unique person, they can all be grouped into pairs of people with the same name. For example, Shakespeare’s wife and a contemporary Oscar winner are both named Anne Hathaway. Using this constraint aids in identifying all the people.
Once the people are identified, the text can be ordered into a sequence such that the name at the end of one clue matches the name at the start of the next clue. This gives an ordering for the driving directions. Pretend that driving draws a line and helicoptering lifts the pen from the page. If you follow those directions in order, you will draw a picture of a HOUSE. The answer is the HOUSE emoji, 🏠.
Someone who created Mars drove 8 miles east to meet a playwright’s spouse.
Rob Thomas, creator of Veronica Mars/Anne Hathaway, wife of William Shakespeare
Someone who won an acting Oscar in the past decade drove 1 mile south to meet someone who won the Masters in the past decade.
Anne Hathaway, actress/Adam Scott, golfer
Someone who ghosted me took a helicopter 1 mile west to meet a character that’s Spider-Man’s dad.
Adam Scott, actor in Ghosted/Jefferson Davis, father of Miles Morales
A high-ranking confederate drove 3 miles south to meet someone who played solitaire on screen.
Jefferson Davis, president of the CSA/Jane Seymour, who played Solitaire in Live and Let Die
Someone who was three of six of eight drove 4 miles west to meet someone who played a character played by Keanu Reeves.
Jane Seymour, who was the third of Henry VIII’s six wives/Matt Ryan, who’s played John Constantine on the NBC show Constantine and the CW show Legends of Tomorrow; Reeves played him in the film Constantine
A Super Bowl-losing quarterback drove 3 miles north to meet a recipient of the Nobel Prize in Literature.
Matt Ryan, Atlanta Falcons quarterback/Samuel Beckett, Irish playwright
A fictitious time-traveling do-gooder drove 4 miles east to meet someone who wrote about suspicious renegades in the dark, deadly night.
Samuel Beckett, character on Quantum Leap/Heather Graham, author of over 150 romance novels, including Suspicious, Renegades, In the Dark, and Deadly Night.
Someone who boogies at night took a helicopter 1 mile east to meet a survivor who’s been part of a competition for idols.
Heather Graham, actor in Boogie Nights/Richard Hatch, first winner of Survivor
A real-life embodiment of Apollo drove 7 miles south to meet a character who conquers Mars.
Richard Hatch, actor on the original Battlestar Galactica/John Carter, character in John Carter of Mars
A fictitious doctor at County General drove 1 mile west to meet someone whose earliest and most recent Saturday Night Live appearances were more than 40 years apart.
John Carter, character from ER/Paul Simon, singer
A former senator from Illinois drove 8 miles west to meet someone caught in a towering inferno.
Paul Simon, senator/Steve McQueen, actor in The Towering Inferno
A director of a Best Picture Oscar winner drove 3 miles north to meet a basketball coach whose team has made the NCAA tournament six years in a row.
Steve McQueen, director of 12 Years a Slave/Tony Bennett, coach at the University of Virginia
A Bay Area organ donor drove 2 miles east to meet a friend.
Tony Bennett, singer of “I Left My Heart in San Francisco”/Matthew Perry, actor on Friends
Someone who took a boat to Japan sailed 3 miles south to meet someone who spoke for a fish. (No pseudonyms were used in this meeting.)
Matthew Perry, commodore who opened Japan to US trade/Albert Einstein, given name of Albert Brooks, who voiced Marlin in Finding Nemo
A recipient of the Nobel Prize in Physics drove 5 miles west to meet someone who’s been nominated four times for acting Oscars in the past 15 years but has never won.
Albert Einstein, physicist/Michelle Williams, actress
Someone who’s a survivor (but hasn’t been part of a competition for idols) drove 6 miles north to meet a pod person trying to save America.
Michelle Williams, singer in Destiny’s Child (“Survivor”)/Jon Favreau, Obama speechwriter and host of Pod Save America
Someone who’s happy to appear in superhero movies drove 2 miles north to meet a 2019 NFL first-round draft pick.
Jon Favreau, who plays Happy in the MCU/Josh Allen, linebacker
A 2018 NFL first-round draft pick drove 5 miles east to meet someone who will rock you.
Josh Allen, quarterback/Roger Taylor, drummer in Queen
Someone with a wolfish appetite drove 6 miles west to meet someone who helps people think they can dance.
Roger Taylor, drummer in Duran Duran/Mandy Moore, choreographer on So You Think You Can Dance
Someone who is us drove 7 miles northeast to meet someone who knows where the beef is.
Mandy Moore, actor on This Is Us/Dave Thomas, founder of Wendy’s
Someone from the great white north drove 1 mile north to meet a sibling who’s not one of the five primary siblings.
Dave Thomas, played one of the McKenzie brothers in the fake talk show Great White North (SCTV, comedy album, Strange Brew)/Randy Jackson, one of the Jacksons, but not one of the Jackson 5
Someone who’s been part of a competition for idols (but isn’t a survivor) drove 1 mile west to meet a toxic spouse.
Randy Jackson, judge on American Idol/Jason Alexander, husband of Britney Spears (“Toxic”)
Someone who made much ado about nothing drove 2 miles south to meet someone who saved the best for last.
Jason Alexander, actor in Seinfeld, a “show about nothing”/Vanessa Williams, singer of “Save the Best for Last”
Someone with affinity for soul food drove 4.25 miles northeast to meet someone who should either stay or go.
Vanessa Williams, actor on Soul Food/Mick Jones, guitarist in The Clash (“Should I Stay or Should I Go”)
Someone suffering from double vision drove 6 miles southeast to meet a fictitious plane passenger who landed five years after takeoff.
Mick Jones, guitarist in Foreigner (“Double Vision”)/Ben Stone, character on Manifest
A fictitious attorney who believes in law and order drove 4 miles southeast to meet someone with two threepeats.
Ben Stone, character on Law & Order/Michael Jordan, basketball player
A real-life embodiment of Adonis drove 3 miles west to meet a character who was rebuilt.
Michael Jordan, actor who played Adonis Creed/Steve Austin, the Six Million Dollar Man
A professional wrestler drove 6 miles west to meet someone unwell at 3 AM.
“Stone Cold” Steve Austin/Rob Thomas, singer in Matchbox 20