All of the items referred to in this puzzle are items that were part of the BBC/British Museum co-production A History of the World in 100 Objects.. (The first letters of the descriptions spell WE WERE ON BBC RADIO FOUR as a pointer to this.)
Each item description contains exactly 100 letters (disregrding spaces and punctuation). Solvers who identify these items will be able to obtain a canonical numbering for these objects within the 100 objects used in the show. (We used the British Museum site for the program -- http://www.britishmuseum.org/explore/a_history_of_the_world/objects.aspx -- as our source.) Indexing into the descriptions using this number produces the message NOW PITCH ITEM ONE OH ONE; solvers who made an appointment and tried to persuade us that their chosen object should be the 101st object in the series were rewarded with this puzzle's answer: ADVANCE PERSON.
Warren Cup (#36) With this item named in honor of a recent owner and made completely of silver, we find two men enjoying each others company.
Lothair Crystal (#53) Everything about this quartz piece was styled perfectly, in a rounded frame that features imagery from a Biblical story.
David Vases (#64) What can be said of the beautiful duo, made of the finest Chinese material? Flowing in colors of blue and white they now rest.
Hoxne Pot (#40) Elegant and luxurious, this silver vessel prompts us to think about what cooking would be like in the time of ancient Rome.
Sphinx of Taharqo (#22) Realism of this subject king may be in question, but historical accounts reveal a king with a Cushy and prospering empire.
Durer's Rhinoceros (#75) Exquisite carvings like this demonstrated how one might envision a worldly creature with numerous protective layers.
Swimming Reindeer (#4) On occasion, these beasts found as a paired set of dual pieces may be referred to as graceful animals moving through water.
Olmec Stone Mask (#29) Never has there been a piece like this delicate Mesoamerican head gear, which appeared to be greenish due to its material.
Rosetta Stone (#33) Because of this item, we have gained insight into the symbolic representations of cultures we understood not much about.
Double-Headed Dragon (#78) Before the modern era, pieces like this, typically featuring blue material, were gifted to a future conqueror from Europe.
Throne of Weapons (#98) Chairs like this might seem like an outdated item, but in certain regions of the world it represents a world of firepowers.
Pieces of Eight (#80) Ritually people nowadays connect these particular silver items to aquatic robbers, but it's simple math that named them.
Hebrew Astrolabe (#62) An inclinometer much like this was used for direction, but be fairly cautious determining the direction you need to read.
Bird-Shaped Pestle (#6) Distinguished by its aviary form, dated back to ancient times, this grinder is from the southern and eastern hemispheres.
Vale of York Hoard (#56) In earlier days, this haul of over six hundred items was used by those of Nordic ancestry, although it is not the largest one.
Lewis Chessman (#61) Our version of the older game may originate from these finely crafted ivory items, dating back several hundred years ago.
Oxus Chariot Model (#26) For years, hard work of various historians was applied to authenticating this equine and human piece from an Asian hoard.
Ain Sakhri Lovers One scholar has determined that this Middle Eastern statue is perhaps one of the oldest representations of lovemaking.
Credit Card (#99) Understanding this item made of plastic with a hint of metal is probably easier than others, due to less need and more want.
Statue of Tara (#54) Representing a structure of religion, this item seems to have been mirroring a maternal goddess, in about life-size scale.