Something For Everyone

Dog shows are nothing if not inclusive.


Don't bother saying "sorry" now your time has come to die.
No muttering excuses, no lamenting "why, God, why?".
You should have changed addresses, found a less immoral spot.
It's right there in the Bible, how God LITTLEs every LOT.

2. SPOONERISM (5 [5]; 4 3)

How fast romance can turn into disaster,
If you ignore your lover's chiseled NIGHTLIFE.
If he has painful gout, things go south faster
When clumsily you tread upon his LIGHT KNIFE.

3. WORD DELETION (9 [1])

Van Dyke and Cavett were a hungry faction.
Just two BADs seeking BALANCED satisfaction.
But when their engine dropped its LANCE and rotor
The twin Dicks each knew eating was remoter.

4. BACKSWITCH (5 [4])

Some pious folks who choose to dress
For Halloween's October night
Might well be left with mouths ORATE
If told its roots: a TAROT rite.

5. BEHEADMENT (5 [3]; 4 [1])

The endless battle seemed to last for AGES.
The ancient ramparts seemed to run with blood
From cannon fodder: yeomen, serfs, and PAGES,
Who lay defeated, mired in the mud.

6. LETTER BANK (6 [1], 10)

The stone sparkled, scratched glass, even louped well,
But the band was not platinum or gold
As she learned when it stuck to a CLAMORED.
Disappointed, she broke the ARCED MOLD.

7. REVERSED BIGRAM DELETION (*6'1 [5]; 5 [3])

Have a taste for feeling pampered? Eat a luscious crème brûlée.
Whereupon go back for seconds. I could B up all of A
Chocolate mousse and crêpes Suzette and still
Cry "encore, s'il vous plait!"

8. DELETION (6 [2])

There are people who are casting,
Some for business, some for sport.
Some are leading a LONG ANSWER;
Some are hoping to catch SHORT.


Can a climb, I've often wondered,
Augment talents of one's own,
Or does thin air at high SCRUBs merely
Make one think one's SHRUB has grown?

10. TRANSPOSAL (9 [6])

Sex Ed teaching's not easy to do,
Though the subject's no longer taboo.
It can cause every schoolmarm ado,
Coaching kids on the right CREWS to SCREW.

11. CHARADE (9 [5])

I just went to the WESTERN film Gone With The Wind,
Where I EASTed a raffle and won! So they'll take
Me to see Gable's footprint in Tinseltown soon.
I will tremble, I'm sure, like the BOTH of a quake!


An orange SPRAIN's been hanging out
At this new pizza place near me.
He loves SPRING sauce and cheese so much
I've dubbed him "Garfield", comically.