One Starry Night

1 of 8 people found the following review helpful:
I have consulted with experts in the fields of gustatory science, meteorology, optics, and confectionery, and all of them agreed that your instruction was laughable.

2 of 8 people found the following review helpful:
I've driven this thing all around and I haven't had any new ideas. Is it because I have to keep my mind on not crashing?

3 of 6 people found the following review helpful:
After putting these on, I went back to work on my perpetual motion machine. Not only did the task remain non-trivial, I was unable to do it at all! Solid arch support means nothing without a boundless source of energy.

3 of 7 people found the following review helpful:
I cannot find a single reputable dictionary that attests to this alternate orthography. You managed to get the first and third letters right, but the rest is just a mess. (My stomach does feel a little better, but that's *not the point*.)

1 of 4 people found the following review helpful:
I accepted the wager and successfully completed the task. (I waited until I was already really full!) You guys have yet to pay up.

6 of 8 people found the following review helpful:
Close examination seems to show that they're just molded to look like that. I'm, like, 99% sure these things aren't sentient or capable of actual facial expressions. I hope so, anyway; otherwise I'd feel really weird about eating them.

6 of 10 people found the following review helpful:
I was hoping to give your product to my daughter, who's a budding geologist, but you guys didn't deliver. Can you insure me against a child's tears? Can you???

6 of 11 people found the following review helpful:
I took DNA samples from myself both on and off of the premises, and there was no apparent change. The waitstaff refused to give samples of their own for comparison - what are they hiding?!

3 of 7 people found the following review helpful:
OK, I guess, interpreting it loosely, Mittens has said the first word, but I've never heard anything remotely resembling the second. How am I supposed to know when to give it to him?

6 of 7 people found the following review helpful:
They know our word for it down there perfectly well, and they apply it to many different varieties of the drink just like we do.

2 of 7 people found the following review helpful:
My presentation was still really hard to make. My bosses figured out how over my head I was and canned me. You got a button for getting a new job?

8 of 9 people found the following review helpful:
I called up and asked for someone to collect my mail and feed my cats while I was on vacation, but no one would do it.

6 of 8 people found the following review helpful:
Wanted to enter a chess tournament with a big prize, but I never have the time to practice. Had a lot of your product that morning instead. I lost every match! Clearly it doesn't work.

1 of 5 people found the following review helpful:
I threw a can of this at a werewolf and it didn't even slow him down. I got mauled AND I went thirsty.

7 of 10 people found the following review helpful:
I wanted mine with Kobe beef, truffles, and caviar and the cashier looked at me like I was nuts. Guess there are strings attached after all.

6 of 9 people found the following review helpful:
They eventually ran out. During a blackout, too.

2 of 7 people found the following review helpful:
I checked the ingredients list and was really disappointed. Who ranks things like "citric acid" and "natural flavors" at the top of their list? I was expecting, like, "humanity's capacity for kindness" and "the perfect sunset after a wonderfully productive day".

6 of 8 people found the following review helpful:
Yeah, well, take it from my herpes, gambling debts, and impending divorce: Some shit follows you home.

5 of 11 people found the following review helpful:
This is an incredibly stupid idea. They couldn't support my body weight, I didn't get anywhere, and all the blood rushed to my head. Do I have to read the whole book for it work? I really don't want to do that.

5 of 7 people found the following review helpful:
Doesn't work at all. Good thing I tested this by jumping off just the shed. I don't even look like a lousy emu or ostrich.

1 of 3 people found the following review helpful:
On a whim, I called up a few network employees to chat about the more obscure works of Aeschylus and Molière. Would you believe not one of them knew what I was talking about? They've lost a viewer.