Solution to Technical Program Committee Report

Authors: Anand Sarwate and Jason Juang
With much help from: Dan Katz, Chieu Nguyen, and Laura Royden
And a little help from: Erin Rhode

When teams register for the hunt they were sent an invitation to present a paper at the 33rd Annual Conference on Maturing Young Scientific Theories: Emerging Resolutions for Yielding Heuristic Unphysics using Noncomputation Techniques, which is the dummy theme for the Hunt this year. In the email they were asked to submit a paper title for presentation at the conference.

This puzzle uses the paper titles submitted by teams. Solvers are given a list of clues; each clue consists of a paper title, a short (negative) review of the paper, and a score. The review contains a bolded phrase which is an anagram of a word from the team's name and a word from their paper title, such that the pairing matches the team to a title.

The solvers must match each title to the corresponding team name. Taking the score of the review, indexing it into the team name, and reading in the order in which the reviews are presented yields the phrase MASTERPIECE OF AESTHETICS BY AYN RAND NAMED THE ROMANTIC BLANK. Ayn Rand's "masterpiece" is The Romantic Manifesto, so the answer is MANIFESTO.

The list of clues in team order is given below.

  1. Towards an Exegesis of Ankh-Morpork: Uncovering New Solutions Emulating Entertaining Narratives
    Our editor sees genuine sex discrimination in this paper. (Score: 4)
    sees genuine sex = unseen exegesis
    Team/author: Team Unseen
    M = Team Unseen (4)

  2. Proper amount of plaid to be placed on a thong
    This was like a bad novel that changed plot conventions every two pages. (Score: 3)
    changed plot = thong placed
    Team/author: Team Plaid Thong
    A = Team Plaid Thong (3)

  3. The Superintendency of Octadic Appendaged Ungulates
    As this is outside my field of expertise, I regretfully decline to review this submission, lest I make the Atlas crowd cringe. (Score: 1)
    Atlas crowd cringe = wranglers octadic
    Team/author: Sleipnir's Wranglers
    S = Sleipnir's Wranglers (1)

  4. On the oceanic state and voluntary relocation of slumbering pandimensional abominations. - by Josiah S. Carberry of Brown University
    The authors clearly love crude vanity porn, but the topic is inappropriate for this conference. (Score: 1)
    love crude vanity porn = providence voluntary
    Team/author: The Providence Transplantations
    T = The Providence Transplantations (1)

  5. This Space Intentionally Left Blank
    The appendix of ace sex recipes is really this paper's only saving grace. (Score: 2)
    ace sex recipes = exercise space
    Team/author: Left as an Exercise for the Reader
    E = Left as an Exercise for the Reader (2)

  6. Comparative Interpersonal Exchanges In US and Canadian Office Dynamics
    This article was far more phantasmagorical than necessary! I was especially offended by the part where cenobites open a squirrel. (Score: 4)
    cenobites open a squirrel = quebecois interpersonal
    Team/author: The Rage of the Quebecois
    R = The Rage of the Quebecois (4)

    It would be easier to get a weasel to emit gold coins than to implement the unfinished and unspecified plan suggested by this paper. (Score: 3)
    weasel to emit = awesome title
    Team/author: Super Team Awesome
    P = Super Team Awesome (3)

  8. BRCA1 is not secreted and does not exhibit properties of a granin
    I wouldn't publish this paper in any situation, barring a dingo invasion. (Score: 2)
    barring a dingo = biograd granin
    Team/author: Biograd 2013
    I = Biograd 2013 (2)

  9. The Science of Yawning
    I read this paper to find the truth; I wasn't prepared for any ugly weaving of lies. (Score: 5)
    any ugly weaving = vaguely yawning
    Team/author: Vaguely Eloquent Team
    E = Vaguely Eloquent Team (5)

  10. The Typology of the Dual on the Internet: LOLcat and Doge
    A typical googly act: this paper just mashes together random memes found from the interwebs. (Score: 8)
    typical googly act = galactic typology
    Team/author: ✈✈✈Galactic Dogesetters✈✈✈
    C = ✈✈✈Galactic Dogesetters✈✈✈ (8)

  11. Pollex Extension in the Neutral Position
    I feel I will radiate an eternal aura of disgust after reading this submission. (Score: 3)
    eternal aura = area neutral
    Team/author: Area 51
    E = Area 51 (3)

  12. Economnomnomics: Splendid Miscalculation, or, A Gentleperson's Primer
    This paper reeks of communism. In an all-too-common trend, they have exchanged real thinking with the intellectual equivalent of cat pictures on the Internet. (Score: 1)
    communism. In an all-too-common = omnomnomnom miscalculation
    Team/author: OmNomNomNom
    O = OmNomNomNom (1)

  13. Proving the Meta-Existence of the Quasi-Jabberwocky via Subjective Ungravity Spheroids
    I knew this paper was nonsense even before the author formed his spurious conclusion. (Score: 1)
    formed his spurious = frumious spheroids
    Team/author: Frumious Bandersnatch
    F = Frumious Bandersnatch (1)

  14. The Socio-Economic Impact of Post-Modern Desk Decoration
    These design aesthetics mostly involve recycled paper garbage, plus the occasional magnetic ripoff. (Score: 1)
    magnetic ripoff = offering impact
    Team/author: Always Offering Excuses
    A = Always Offering Excuses (1)

  15. Piracy on the Seven Matrices: A Boon to the Eigenomy
    Shame on these authors for citing Lemon Party! That figure on page three is ... yep, a geriatric penis. (Score: 1)
    yep, a geriatric penis = eigenpirates piracy
    Team/author: Eigenpirates
    E = Eigenpirates (1)

  16. Transcendental Botany: A Preliminary Comprehensive Survey of the Flora of the Celestial Aether
    I quickly grew tired of blatant pony references throughout. (Score: 8)
    blatant pony = plant botany
    Team/author: Metaphysical Plant
    S = Metaphysical Plant (8)

  17. A Song of Ice and Fire is NP-Hard
    Are people allowed to write papers this rambling and long? O Jesus! Just finish the damn thing already! (Score: 1)
    long? O Jesus = joules song
    Team/author: The Family Joules
    T = The Family Joules (1)

  18. Ensuring Successful Euthanasia While Sustaining Maximum Entropy
    The author chose a daunting thesis, which explains why there's no evidence whatsoever to support it. (Score: 5)
    a daunting thesis = death sustaining
    Team/author: Death and Mayhem
    H = Death and Mayhem (5)

  19. Our theory on Nucleus Tesseracts
    Elegant fonts and language made reading this paper the classiest torment I've ever experienced. (Score: 10)
    classiest torment = milton tesseracts
    Team/author: Milton Friedman's Lonely Hearts Club Band
    E = Milton Friedman's Lonely Hearts Club Band (10)

  20. Enigmatic Ontologies of Hard Knocking in Creation-Inspiration Cycles: The Ford F-250 Approach
    Given the option between re-reading this article and facing meteoric collisions, I choose the rocks hitting my face. (Score: 1)
    facing meteoric = force enigmatic
    Team/author: The Brute Force
    T = The Brute Force (1)

  21. The Challenging and Questionable Discovery of Paradise
    This fervid copy duplicating a classic paper is not only plagiarism, it's bad plagiarism. (Score: 5)
    This fervid copy = ihtfp discovery
    Team/author: Team IHTFP
    I = Team IHTFP (5)

  22. Weak signal in hunt name lenth potentiates disaster
    Dear sexist doc who wrote this: do you hate girls so much that you had to leave the g out of the word "length"? (Score: 1)
    Dear sexist doc = codex disaster
    Team/author: Codex Gigas
    C = Codex Gigas (1)

  23. Fangorn Foureast
    The authors must be nearly broke; this paper features autos for sale. (Score: 14)
    features autos for = foureast foureast
    Team/author: Fangorn Foureast
    S = Fangorn Foureast (14)

  24. Nibblonian Gustatory Culture and its Implication on Dark Matter Distribution throughout the Observable Universe
    The whole paper is just nonverbal babble on ISIS puzzles! (Score: 6)
    nonverbal babble on ISIS = Nibblonians observable
    Team/author: The Nibblonians
    B = The Nibblonians (6)

  25. Convergence by guessing the solution many times
    Here's a tip for the authors -- don't dubiously suggest that you have a solution, just admit you've made it up. (Score: 11)
    don't dubiously = buddy solution
    Team/author: Little Buddy
    Y = Little Buddy (11)

  26. Understanding Prolonged Liveliness And Total Exhaustion
    Lack of wisdom shows through; this paper needs less ill naivete. (Score: 4)
    less ill naivete = late liveliness
    Team/author: Up Late
    A = Up Late (4)

  27. A Coronet System Review of the Incidence of Cosy Otter Names at the Monterey's Coast Aquarium.
    Observations were inconclusive due to bird noises from a nearby tree. Next time, place your recorder under a quieter sumac. (Score: 14)
    a quieter sumac = setec aquarium
    Team/author: Setec Astronomy
    Y = Setec Astronomy (14)

  28. P ≈ NP
    The authors should give up now and learn how to plot corn — farming is honest work, unlike this mendacious nonsense. (Score: 3)
    plot corn = control p
    Team/author: Control Group
    N = Control Group (3)

  29. The Unscience of Deduction
    The paper is a direct bunk ode: poetic at times, but straightforwardly nonsensical. (Score: 9)
    a direct bunk ode = baker deduction
    Team/author: 221B Baker Street
    R = 221B Baker Street (9)

  30. Lie Algebras and Treu Geometries: Ethical, Statutory, and Dietary Considerations in Unconvolving Antiquantum Spaces
    What low standards! Apparently this conference will let a quilting manual be submitted for consideration. (Score: 6)
    let a quilting manual = illegal antiquantum
    Team/author: Immoral, Illegal & Fattening
    A = Immoral, Illegal & Fattening (6)

  31. Applying nonlinear quasi-quantum approximation methods in modeling molecular signaling dynamics of sleep deprivation: a novel perspective
    After reading this example of opportune hoaxing, I am wondering if we should send the entire conference proceedings to Retraction Watch. (Score: 1)
    opportune hoaxing, I am = enough approximation
    Team/author: Not Enough All-Nighters
    N = Not Enough All-Nighters (1)

  32. Fraternal Marxists: The Culinary Preparation of Anatidae into a Potable Concoction
    Our Boston-based reviewer couldn't understand this garbage. The author's hot air stumps Sox fans. (Score: 1)
    air stumps Sox = soup marxists
    Team/author: Duck Soup
    D = Duck Soup (1)

  33. General Quantum Lovativity: An Exceptionally Complex Theory of Everything
    The several grad students who wrote this have evidently learned to mooch expertly off of their university. (Score: 4)
    mooch expertly = theory complex
    Team/author: Grand Unified Theory of Love
    N = Grand Unified Theory of Love (4)

  34. The Practical Ramifications of Fictional Metaphysical Structures
    These empirical studies of conformist Satan circuits are really quite tedious — where is the theoretical insight? (Score: 4)
    conformist Satan circuits = constructs ramifications
    Team/author: Relatively Theoretical Constructs
    A = Relatively Theoretical Constructs (4)

  35. Solution strategies using aleatoric methods
    This paper was a barely readable tragicomic meditation on... well, it's hard to say. It seemed more like a bunch of random thoughts strung together. (Score: 3)
    readable tragicomic = cambridge aleatoric
    Team/author: Cambridge and Friends
    M = Cambridge and Friends (3)

  36. Benedict Cumberbatch and the Politics of the Encounter
    Reading this treatise on breakfast foods is like finding an obscure maggot cherub in the middle of your Vermont Curry. (Score: 5)
    obscure maggot cherub = gorgeous cumberbatch
    Team/author: Gorgeous
    E = Gorgeous (5)

  37. Puzzle construction under the constraint of extreme tardiness
    Thinking that this paper was considered worthy of publication leaves me dismayed. Transient contribution at best. (Score: 6)
    dismayed. Transient = dynamite tardiness
    Team/author: Black Dynamite
    D = Black Dynamite (6)

  38. A mildly scientific case study of spastic colon resulting from prolonged exposure to A. Wiggleus incubated in a Tetazoan environment
    This paper is full of graceless wit. Genius cannot be faked as the authors have tried to do here. (Score: 3)
    graceless wit. Genius = resistance wiggleus
    Team/author: Putz Resistance
    T = Putz Resistance (3)

  39. A 140-Character Discourse on Subjective Problem Solving
    This vapid, longish submission sure feels like more than one tweet. (Score: 4)
    vapid, longish = adphi solving
    Team/author: ADPhi Mystery
    H = ADPhi Mystery (4)

  40. Semifunctional puzzlenomics elucidates a sinistral shift in an annual conundrum
    The diagrams of chicken faces are too sharp; we suggest the authors fuzz pullet emoticons. (Score: 2)
    fuzz pullet emoticons = leftout puzzlenomics
    Team/author: Leftout
    E = Leftout (2)

  41. Flat and Interactive Leisure Time Hobbies for Yard-dwellers: Porcine Interpretations of Games
    The author seems distracted by fear of being murdered via firearm or blade or poison... neurotic much? (Score: 5)
    or poison... neurotic = notorious porcine
    Team/author: Notorious PIG
    R = Notorious PIG (5)

  42. The Compact Markov Chain of Contravariant Cannibalism
    Reading this was so painful that I wish I drank venom or something beforehand. (Score: 2)
    drank venom or = Donner Markov
    Team/author: Donner Party of N
    O = Donner Party of N (2)

  43. Creation of Centrally-Reflective Wordplay Through Computationally-Assisted Models
    Ayn Rand would turn over in her grave if she saw that this demonic proletarian propaganda was being published at her conference. (Score: 9)
    demonic proletarian = palindrome creation
    Team/author: Palindrome
    M = Palindrome (9)

  44. Ring-ding-ding-ding-dingeringeding!
    This paper was very disappointing, like finding rigged oxen when playing Oregon Trail. (Score: 3)
    finding rigged oxen = fox dingeringeding
    Team/author: What Does Star Fox Say!?
    A = What Does Star Fox Say!? (3)

  45. Theory on the Rocks
    Perhaps the author adores sick, feeble attempts at experimental design, but this paper is totally impractical. (Score: 1)
    adores sick = ideas rocks
    Team/author: Not So Great Ideas
    N = Not So Great Ideas (1)

  46. Reconsidering Extraspatial Dimensional Drift: Ignored Theories Offer Realizable Spacetravel
    This paper stinks! I'm reserving a polecat repellant for it. (Score: 1)
    reserving a polecat = ignore spacetravel
    Team/author: Test Solution, Please Ignore
    T = Test Solution, Please Ignore (1)

  47. A redesigned algorithm for numismatic denouement: ordivician mechanics for harvesting abstruse, latent linkages
    The depth of thought is on par with the absurdest Roman graffiti. (Score: 5)
    absurdest Roman = random abstruse
    Team/author: One Fish Two Fish Random Fish Blue Fish
    I = One Fish Two Fish Random Fish Blue Fish (5)

  48. Desiderata for an Ultra-Chaotic Tangled System
    Topics shifted throughout this paper, but the last divergences were too much to bear. (Score: 1)
    last divergences = services tangled
    Team/author: Central Services
    C = Central Services (1)

  49. Network Security Awareness for your Snow Den
    Whoever wrote this has a voracious, even lusty reliance on semicolons. Please; hire; a; proofreader. (Score: 1)
    lusty reliance = allen security
    Team/author: Booz Allen Interlopers
    B = Booz Allen Interlopers (1)

  50. Addition of ethanol to syrup restores newtonian fluid dynamics, increasing the maximum theoretical rate of syrup application
    Reading this paper confirmed my worst fears. Awful, pushy prose combined with illegible figures leads to madness. (Score: 5)
    fears. Awful, pushy = wafflehaus syrup
    Team/author: Wafflehaüs
    L = Wafflehaüs (5)

  51. The String Landscape in Alternative Zombie-infested Multiverses: Braaaaanes
    This puerile submission sounds like it was written by a crapulous, sad, acne-ridden 12-year old. (Score: 2)
    crapulous, sad, acne = raucous landscape
    Team/author: Raucous Raucous Rhinos
    A = Raucous Raucous Rhinos (2)

  52. Duck Duck: a critical response to Goose
    Don't waste my time with this Stone Age, neolithic crap. (Score: 6)
    neolithic crap = phone critical
    Team/author: ET Phone In Answer
    N = ET Phone In Answer (6)

  53. Topless Energy And Moxie Linking Up Competitive Kindred (4 4)
    The writers appear to liking clunky English. I disliking it! (Score: 23)
    liking clunky = lucky linking
    Team/author: We're Up All Night to Get Lucky
    K = We're Up All Night to Get Lucky (23)