Award-Winning Poetry

Did you know you can sing any sonnet to the tune of Phantom of the Opera? At least if the sonnet has an extra “inside your mind” every now and again.

All the cats r mine for me 2 caption and 2 send.
It’s a fine pastime, although not everyone comprehends
That a bicycle that’s invisible is both amusing and sublime.
And if cats of mine cannot spell it is not a crime.

Apparently the voters won’t be voting for Cain; his campaign’s run aground;
And Rick Perry’s brand new ad could make just anyone cuss and start looking downtown
For a candidate to save them who at least has a brain, and who won’t make a fuss, cause they’re passably sane. So explain and discuss this dumb primary.

Commas don’t need to be copious.
Did you reread the first draft?
Please go and do a find/replace
To fix up all the lower case!
Like the word “like” is quite odious,
Passives are massively poor.
Don’t call me Hitler for grammar, please.
But remember that I’m keeping score!

Everything that I am hearing from the used car guy--
It’s all a lie. What do they mean they promise a good buy?
I give up on dealing with this game of hidden charges, extra fees.
I will buy a car on Craigslist-- that should be a breeze.

I dyed my hair blue.
I hope you like this new hue too.
Though some might say “boo”,
I really hope most agree.
Shrug off the rare few
Who say my head’s floating at sea.
This is my way of showing esprit.

I sent that letter, hoping for better.
I won’t be here again-- it’s time to start my life.
I’ve put my dreams in, something I trust in,
Time to be clear again-- it’s time to start my life.

This dress looked utterly perfect ‘til I was in it.
I only tried it on for mere moments, that’s clear.
Now I’m on What Not To Wear and headed to win it.
Bartender, will you pour me a beer?

Why are you up in your room, cowering here in your own den?
Is it because your father’s caught you pinching stone fruit now and then?
If he enters with a stick, well then a beating surely comes.
And you know this is all because you were stealing plums!

Why won’t Sparky glow? He says he’d rather hiss;
It starts to make us know that something is amiss.
Well, one firefly will not be missed...

With a rat on a stick,
Or a floating nose,
Plus a wishing ring,
And elven thieves,
Shall we play this game, sitting in the basement?
In our circle, it’s Munchkin we play.

Yes, sir, I worship Athena.
(In truth I don’t care for Jesus.)
She gives me wisdom without resistance;
I’m always thankful for her assistance.

            _ _ _ _        (2004)
          _ _ _ _          (1952)
          _ _ _ _ _        (1980)
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  _ _ _ _ _ _              (1998)
      _ _ _ _ _ _ _        (1987)
            _ _ _ _ _ _ _  (1988)
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_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _          (1963)
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