Toad's List

These days, Mario finds surfing the web is a much better way to get power-ups than bashing his head into bricks.

Date: 2011-01-15, 1:17AM EST

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One golem-fashioned artifact

This orb is great at enlarging wildlife and inducing madness.

Occasionally achieves sentience!

Also duplicates instants and sorceries with sufficient mana

Date: 2011-01-15, 2:17AM EST

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One small, glowing sphere suitable for use by island royalty or any sufficiently innocent child

Would make the perfect pommel jewel for your hereditary sword!

Also works well for god-slaying or world-sundering (seller is not responsible for any injuries incurred while sundering)

Date: 2011-01-15, 3:17AM EST

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One crystalline sword (well, not really a sword)

This beautiful piece has spent thousands of years pristine and untouched, to only recently be brought out of storage.

You and your two favorite lady friends will have a great time with it.

Date: 2011-01-15, 4:17AM EST

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One extremely strong ribbon

Made from the finest roots, spit, sinews, breath, and sound available

Perfect for binding wild animals!

We guarantee it will last until the end of the world (though no longer).

Date: 2011-01-15, 5:17AM EST

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For sale by Chicago wizard:

One ancient broadsword, formerly owned by the original Merlin

Beautifully incorporates famous nail

Best if used against the possessed/vampires

Date: 2011-01-15, 6:17AM EST

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Impregnable northern fortress.

Built by architect so talented "builder" was part of his name!

Awe-inspiring ancient sacred grove at the center

Deep crypts

Heating system based on natural springs and glass gardens make it a great place to be when winter is coming!

  • direwolves are OK - howl

Date: 2011-01-15, 7:17AM EST

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One long knife of elvish make.

An excellent weapon for the shorter among us

Kills spiders like a charm!

Blue glow makes it perfect choice for cavern adventures (goblins not included)

Date: 2011-01-15, 8:17AM EST

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One circular clockwork instrument for divination

Thirty-six exquisitely crafted symbols pointed to by four needles

Would make a great gift for a silver-tongued girl

Date: 2011-01-15, 9:17AM EST

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One 817-year old castle for sale in quasi-Floridian location

Enchanted rose garden

Large animate tapestry

Orchards containing many unusually useful fruit variants

Many helpful ghosts and zombies

Would be paradise for a pun-lover!

Date: 2011-01-15, 10:17AM EST

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One Egyptian spell book for sale

Talk to animals!

Read the stars!

Comes with six nested boxes for safe storage

This is NOT some fortune-telling aid written by some English occultist. This is genuine divine knowledge.

Date: 2011-01-15, 11:17AM EST

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One burning wooden cup, suitable for organizing extracurricular activities.

Automatically rejects unqualified participants when used properly.

Date: 2011-01-15, 12:17PM EST

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One combat robot, designed for assassination of meatbags

Especially good with heavy blasters, demolition, and slicing but also easily upgradeable

Prefaces all speech with a statement of inflection, making human/machine interaction a snap!

Date: 2011-01-15, 1:17PM EST

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One planet, with three continents and two moons

Large phosphine deposits readily available

Occasional visits from nearby rogue planet guarantee excitement!

  • Large time-traveling lizards are OK - roarrr

Date: 2011-01-15, 2:17PM EST

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Druid-designed sword using old-world technology and the finest human craftsmanship

Infused with truth, making it excellent at forcing ethereal beings to confront their mortality

Ideal for descendants of elven royalty

Date: 2011-01-15, 3:17PM EST

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One gigantic artificial space structure unique in all of known space!

A spacious 617 million miles in circumference

Two large counterbalance oceans ideal for a swim

1170-mile side-walls guarantee your atmosphere will never leak out!

Rotation generates artificial gravity almost earth-norm, so you'll never feel far from home/have your body crush itself under its own weight

Date: 2011-01-15, 4:17PM EST

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One gorgeous island in the Atlantic

Bears plentiful fruit, especially amazing apples!

Would make the perfect place for a monarch to recover after a long, hard battle

Date: 2011-01-15, 5:17PM EST

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One large dwarven pastry

Great as a place to sit

Run your own coronation ceremony!

(authenticity not guaranteed)

Date: 2011-01-15, 6:17PM EST

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One space station in earth orbit

Formerly used as a boarding school for young children

Extensive computer system and gaming areas

Nine highly modifiable zero-gravity rooms at the center for all your competition needs

This is the perfect place to train one or more armies!

Date: 2011-01-15, 7:17PM EST

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Stealth frigate

Combined human and alien technology make in one of a kind in the universe!

Lithium heat sinks

Novel mass-based drive system for heat-free propulsion

Slightly damaged after crashing during a pivotal battle (not the one it's named after)

Date: 2011-01-15, 8:17PM EST

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One floating four-wing ziggurat

Also includes spacious frozen cavern and throne room

Refurbished and relocated to a cooler climate just three years ago

Hot and cold running slime

  • Cats are OK - purrr
  • Zombie dogs are OK - brainns

Date: 2011-01-15, 9:17PM EST

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One planet with two beautiful moons

Arid climate, but a series of underwater canals allow for irrigation, and the native people maintain a series of underground reservoirs.

Majestic megafauna generate priceless pharmaceuticals, guaranteeing your trade will be of central importance to the empire!

Date: 2011-01-15, 10:17PM EST

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Blade for sale

Perfect for magical decapitation/slaying of manxome foes.

You'll feel frabjous!

Date: 2011-01-15, 11:17PM EST

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One coat of a flying animal for sale

Its unusual color will wow your friends.

Contact me now, and you won't need to launch a nautical expedition to obtain this treasure!