The Space Race
by Mike Selinker
Answer: ELLIS
The Cementbeat Walrus is not describing one race, he's describing NASCAR's entire 2008 Sprint Cup Season. (The year is determinable because in the middle of the report, the Walrus says it's the first full season of The Vehicle of the Future!, a reference to 2008 being the first full year of NASCAR's Car of Tomorrow.)
There are 26 "points races" (ones that count) prior to the Chase for the Cup, a year-end playoff.
- Daytona 500, Daytona FL
- Auto Club 500, Fontana CA
- UAW-Dodge 400, Las Vegas NV
- Kobalt Tools 500, Atlanta GA
- Food City 500, Bristol TN
- Goody’s Cool Orange 500, Martinsville VA
- Samsung 500, Dallas TX
- Subway Fresh Fit 500, Phoenix AZ
- Aaron’s 499, Talladega AL
- Crown Royal Presents The Dan Lowry 400, Richmond VA
- Dodge Challenger 500, Darlington SC
- Coca-Cola 600, Concord NC
- Best Buy 400, Dover DE
- Pocono 500, Pocono PA
- LifeLock 400, Brooklyn MI
- Toyota/Save Mart 350, Sonoma CA
- Lenox Industrial Tools 301, Loudon NH
- Coke Zero 400 Powered by Coca-Cola, Daytona FL
- LifeLock.com 400, Joliet IL
- Allstate 400 at the Brickyard, Indianapolis IN
- Sunoco Red Cross Pennsylvania 500, Pocono PA
- Centurion Boats at the Glen, Watkins Glen NY
- 3M Performance 400, Brooklyn MI
- Sharpie 500, Bristol TN
- Pepsi 500, Fontana CA
- Chevy Rock & Roll 400, Richmond VA
Each sentence describes an event from a race in that series, but in space terms. (Racers' and companies' initials match their real-life counterparts.) The events described are in the table below.
| Race | Details | Race# | Letter |
|---|---|---|---|
| Auto Club 500 | NASCAR race on February 24, 2008 | 2 | B |
| Sunoco Red Cross Pennsylvania 500 | Rumor of Obama sponsorship, Happy Hour washed out | 21 | U |
| LifeLock.com 400 | First nighttime race in event’s history | 19 | S |
| UAW-Dodge 400 | Vegas's Kyle Busch takes pole, after starting 22nd last race | 3 | C |
| Subway Fresh Fit 500 | FOX shows Yanks-Sox game over start of race | 8 | H |
| LifeLock.com 400 | Tony Stewart announces he’s quitting Joe Gibbs racing | 19 | S |
| Food City 500 | Dale Jarrett’s last points race before going into broadcasting | 5 | E |
| Coke Zero 400 | Stewart suffers flu and is replaced mid-race by J.J. Yeley | 18 | R |
| Aaron’s 499 | Dario Franchitti breaks ankle | 9 | I |
| Food City 500 | Roush Fenway Racing doesn’t appeal loose oil-pan penalty | 5 | E |
| LifeLock.com 400 | The Intimidator’s Dale Earnhardt Inc. denies sale possibility | 19 | S |
| UAW-Dodge 400 | New record for cautions at Las Vegas Motor Speedway | 3 | C |
| Subway Fresh Fit 500 | Ryan Newman drops out first, due to bad engine | 8 | H |
| Daytona 500 | Great American Race begins debut of Car of Tomorrow | 1 | A |
| Best Buy 400 | Greg Biffle leads early, charity for Autism Speaks | 13 | M |
| Toyota/Save Mart 350 | Road course ringers hired for road course track | 16 | P |
| Pocono 500 | Kurt Busch goes airborne | 14 | N |
| Aaron’s 499 | Tony Stewart does lap at 196.009 mph | 9 | I |
| UAW-Dodge 400 | Carl Edwards wins, will be penalized at race’s end | 3 | C |
| Dodge Challenger 500 | Last qualifications for Sprint All-Star Race | 11 | K |
| Pocono 500 | Kyle Busch crashes into wall | 14 | N |
| Daytona 500 | Kurt Busch gives Ryan Newman “push from heaven” | 1 | A |
| Best Buy 400 | Eliiott Sadler auctions hood after wreck with Denny Hamlin | 13 | M |
| Food City 500 | Brian Vickers’ Red Bull car is only one not to finish | 5 | E |
| Kobalt Tools 500 | Toyota is first winning foreign carmaker since 1954 | 4 | D |
| Allstate 400 at the Brickyard | Goodyear Tires fail due to heat and abrasion | 20 | T |
| Food City 500 | Jarrett finishes 37th in final race | 5 | E |
| Coke Zero 400 | Edwards spins Jeff Gordon into infield | 18 | R |
| Coke Zero 400 | David Reutimann ties record for “lucky dog” passes | 18 | R |
| Aaron’s 499 | Dale Earnhardt Jr. starts 300th points race | 9 | I |
| Auto Club 500 | Race is suspended until Monday due to rain | 2 | B |
| Coca-Cola 600 | Earnhardt loses lead to cut tire, remains winless | 12 | L |
| Food City 500 | Six laps of Overdrive (green-white-checker rule) | 5 | E |
| Allstate 400 at the Brickyard | Edwards and Jimmie Johnson jockey to "kiss the bricks" | 20 | T |
| LifeLock 400 | Patrick Carpentier and Michael Waltrip crash at end | 15 | O |
| Best Buy 400 | “Black hat” Kyle Busch wins fourth race of year | 13 | M |
| Best Buy 400 | Race ends in 3 hours, 18 minutes, 4 seconds | 13 | M |
| Pepsi 500 | Earnhardt, Johnson, and Biffle qualify for Chase | 25 | Y |
Translating the race numbers into alphanumerics spells BUSCH SERIES CHAMP NICKNAMED TERRIBLE TOMMY, which describes 1988 Busch Series champion "Terrible" Tommy ELLIS.