Thank God you're here. We've got a million screaming Hiigarans out there waiting for a virtual rock concert, but the band hasn't shown up! All we've got is their video teleprompter, plus a whole bunch of index cards they were going to use to introduce the songs. The songs are all from the band's two-disc set, but naturally the roadies dropped the cards, so now they're all out of order. If you can reconstruct the set list, it might help us all not get killed by rioting concertgoers.

Introductions

"This one's going out to all of our fans who..."

• "...are acoustic players who've decided to plug in!"
• "...are asking to go steady!"
• "...are drinking soda!"
• "...are female citizens of this country!"
• "...are fond of a morning talk show on NBC!"
• "...are herpetologists!"
• "...are immune to future deception!"
• "...are ladies fighting against the Empire!"
• "...are petroleum jelly manufacturers who can't spell!"
• "...are requesting a roof over their heads!"
• "...are self-aware conspiracy theorists!"
• "...are standing immediately adjacent to someone else!"
• "...are trying to raise goats in the United States!"
• "...are waiting for their flowers to open up!"
• "...are wearing chatoyant gemstones of the quartz group!"
• "...are wearing old-school interactive Reeboks!"
• "...believe the customer is always right!"
• "...collectively possess a sense of rhythm!"
• "...enjoy skulking!"
• "...have ever made a film with a cast of thousands!"
• "...have ever whitewashed a fence!"
• "...have infinite magnitude in one spatial dimension!"
• "...like obscure David O. Russell films!"
• "...like to ride carousels!"
• "...love scuba diving!"
• "...make a living on the Internet!"
• "...played in the World Series of Poker last year!"
• "...refuse anaesthetic!"