by Francis Heaney and Dan Katz

The matched pairs are:

1. Do you come here often?

72. Nah, I usually wait until somebody takes me home.

2. Can I buy you a drink?

59. Probably not. The martinis cost $20.

3. Have you ever slept with an Italian?

73. Well, my teddy bear's name is Giuseppe.

4. How would you like to go back to my place?

87. When was I there the first time?

5. Your eyes are like limpid pools.

76. Yours are just kind of like eyes.

6. I'd like to see how you look in a bathing suit.

65. Not so well, because I don't swim with my glasses on.

7. Let's go some place quieter.


8. I can't stop staring at your lips.

67. That's a coincidence, I can't stop talking at your eyes.

9. You've got a body that just doesn't quit.

60. And based on customer feedback, it won't be fired.

10. I've been trying to imagine you naked.

56. Don't you get cold?

11. I'd like to run my hands through your hair.

90. Wouldn't you prefer to run them over the parts I shaved this morning?

12. Nice booty.

68. Thanks. My pirate friends and I just robbed a village.

13. Baby, you're the bomb.

75. And believe me, it's a bitch trying to get through airport security.

14. You make me go weak at the knees.

50. That makes two things we can use my cane for.

15. I'm dying to get you alone.

81. Oh, you didn't want my friends to join in?

16. Do you own handcuffs?

85. No, but I bet if we're loud enough the police will show up with some.

17. Do you want children?

53. Why, are you selling some? How old are they?

18. You remind me of a stripper I saw once.

71. I'm surprised you remember someone you tipped so poorly.

19. I bet you're excellent in bed.

83. You must have a very creative bookie.

20. Is it hot in here, or is it just you?

52. It's January in New England. It must be me.

21. How'd you like to play doctor?

74. Oh, don't be so conventional. Let's play coroner.

22. Could you be the Latin lover I've been searching for?

88. Aybe-may.

23. Do you have sex with random people?

54. Too far from campus. I prefer Baker or EC.

24. I think you've stolen my heart.

69. And your wallet. Bye now.

25. I like the way you laugh.

89. Then you'll probably love the way I scream.

26. I wish I'd gotten you for Christmas.

62. It's not too late to unwrap me.

27. Where do you see us ten years from now?

61. According to Al Gore, probably underwater.

28. I'm not wearing any underwear.

51. Really? I'm not wearing any clothes. This is just an elaborate tattoo.

29. I'd love to see the inside of your bedroom.

84. Oh, I'll be sure to leave the drapes open tonight.

30. Your ass is out of this world.

47. You've figured out I'm an alien. Now I will have to kill you.

31. Want to come up and see my etchings?

66. I'd rather make my own, with my nails on your back.

32. Who's your daddy?

48. It depends. My two mommies take turns.

33. I could get lost in your eyes.

77. If you do, hang a left at the cornea and look for the information desk.

34. That outfit would look great on my floor.

86. You have a size eight floor?

35. Wanna trade digits?

49. I'm not sure transplant technology is advanced enough for that.

36. I've been watching you all night.

58. Oh, thank goodness, I thought the CIA had finally caught up with me.

37. Baby, you take my breath away.

46. Finally, somebody else into erotic asphyxiation!

38. You're a feast for the eyes.

63. Wait 'til you see dessert.

39. I think Cupid just put an arrow through my heart.

57. Cool, a guy named Bubba does all my piercings.

40. What do I have to do to get a date around here?

70. Climb a palm tree?

41. Are you into role-playing in bed?

80. Totally. I'm usually playing EverQuest until, like, 4am.

42. You make me feel like a kid again.

55. As long as you don't make love like one.

43. We could make beautiful music together.

79. Great! Let me get my accordion.

44. If I could rearrange the alphabet, I'd put U and I together.

82. Well, I hope you have a plan for the eleven letters you just crushed to death.

45. I feel strangely attracted to you.

64. Oh, sorry. I have a high-powered magnet in my pocket.