Endgame script

Team: Moriarty's passphrase is GET SNOWED.

SPIES on the phone: That seems to work. We'll have someone meet you in
no less than N minutes on the 5th floor of 26 outside the elevator.

--- team gets to elevator --- 

SPIES HR: This is the entrance to the EIT compound. Your progress may
be monitored for quality assurance [nods at cameraman]. First, Have
you met with all the agents yet?

(If no:)
"You should know that you're going to need all the agents' information
in order to defeat Moriarty. We can get you into Moriarty's compound
now, but you might get held up for a while while you're in there,
waiting for the rest of your team to make contact with the other
agents so you can make progress. Do you still want to begin?"

(If yes:)
Excellent.  [Pushes button] We have a EIT contact who is our ally; he
can lead you to other EIT double agents who can help you. There won't
be any fully-trained SPIES personnel from here on, so be careful. It's
all up to you to locate the double agents and defeat Moriarty. Your
first contact wears an orange tie.

Secretary: Hello and welcome to EIT.  Who sent you?

Us: Brain

Secretary: If you truly were sent by him, you'll be able to answer
this questions. What is his favorite bird?


(if they don't know)
Secetary: Well, if you don't know that, what does he hate it when
people do?


Secretary: Ah, excellent, we've been wating for you. The agents you
met have managed to subvert a number of EIT operatives into double
agents who can help you along your way. The first such is Dr. Honey
Bare, Moriarty's mistress. She was transporting a message between two
S.P.I.E.S. agents, but an EIT operative discovered her treachery. He
bound and drugged her, and is even now on his way to get Moriarty. We
found her, but we haven't been able to wake her up. Maybe you can
bring her out of her reverie before Moriarty arrives. She's in the
women's room to your left.

--teams go sing, play, etc. her a ditty--

Honey: [Yawn, stretch] Oh my. You remind me of Bond, but less ... on
key...  Did you ever meet him?

Teams: yeah.

Honey: Well, where is Bond's favorite vacation spot?


(if they don't get it)
Honey: What sound might make him drop a martini?


Honey: [reaches into her lacy bra and pulls out puzzle] I stowed this
in my lacy bra for safekeeping. It's supposed to have information on
another double-agent in the complex, but I don't know how to read it.

Team: EIT Central Server 617-xxx-xxxx. [They call that number]

Server dude: Oh hey Moriarty man, sorry about the muffin in the server
closet, won't happen again. Wait, is this actually Moriarty?


Server dude: No you're not, he's got red hair. I've got the munchies,
do you know any good chefs?

Team: There's the Swedish Chef....

Server dude: Yeah, I knew that bro back in Vegas. He hustled me out of
a fair amount of cash once; how did he do it?


(if they don't get it)

Server dude: What's his favorite kind of graph?


Server dude: Thank god, I hate talking like that. Do you have any
double agents with you?

Team: Honey Bare... here. [gives her phone. Server dude tells her what
bridge floor and server room.]

Honey Bare: OK, we'll be there as soon as we can. [hangs up] We're
going to the server room to hack into EIT's mainframe.

-- leads them to 18-3/4/5 bridge, or some other location --

Honey Bare: Oh nose! A bomb! Quick, diffuse it!

--teams diffuse it, she leads them to server room ---


Server dude: Whoa, who's there man? Oh, you guys. Did I tell you about
the Russian-sounding chick who came by? She was deadly hot.

Team: Natasha

Server dude: What was her nanny's name?


(if they don't get it)
Server dude: Well, if you don't know her, can you tell me what her
favorite knitting stitch is?


Server dude: Oh good, I detest that affectation. Here's the machine,
good luck.

-- they play nethack, get "messaged" by an agent who's broken in too --

Hacker: [messaging as root] I see you've succesfully broken in as
well. I have some information for you, but I need to confirm that you
are who I think you are. I'm thinking of an "X agent". What is her
favorite hill?  Type a message and hint enter to send.)


(if they don't get it)
Hacker: What is her favorite Chevy Chase role?


Hacker: It turns out that a SPIES agent did manage to enter the
compound a few weeks ago, but he was captured before he could report
back to HQ. You might be able to find out where he's imprisoned by
examining his interogation report. The records room is in 2-105. Good

-- teams run to 2-105. meet guards. act like cheerleaders. ---

Honey: The filing system seems to have recently been rearranged by
someone named "Stewie."  Things seem to have been cross-referenced
randomly.  What would "molecular" mean?


(if they don't get it)
Honey: Hrm.  What about "HOT"?


Honey: Aha!  Looks like some obfuscated records about a prisoner.

-- teams solve jeopardy puzzle and learn they need to talk to THE THIN
   MAN --

Honey: Oh, The Thin Man is one of yours? I had assumed he was from
VILE, but he would never tell us. They locked him up in 6-059e.

-- team goes to 6-059e ---

Thin Man: I won't tell you anthing! I have too many secrets and you'll
never get them out of me! Hey, you don't look like those EIT
hoodlums. Perhaps you know my two kinsmen. Who is their favorite


(if they don't get it)
Thin Man: What did they want for Christmas?

Team: HDTV

Thin Man: Then you *are* SPIES recruits come to rescue me! I'm saved!
But there's not time for that now... Firstly, I regret to inform you
that Rosencrantz and Guildenstern are ... dead. Sadly, they were
discovered and killed by EIT henchmen. But even worse, Moriarty is
nearly ready to flip the switch and plunge us into eternal winter! You
must confront him now in the sub-basement of building 9, in front of
the large ship mural!  Go, quickly!  Don't worry about me!

-- team goes to subbasement 9 ---

Moriarty: Hah! SPIES agents!  Don't bother trying to dissemble, I know
you for who you are.  And you, Dr Bare, my little poppet, you dared
turn against me! I may not have Bond's taste in music, but I have
mutton-chops!  No matter.

You may have outwitted my guards, and penetrated to the heart of my
inner sanctum - but you still have me to contend with! And therefore I
challenge you to the ultimate battle of wits! A little game I like to
call "What Number Am I Thinking Of?"!

Since you're new to the whole "intelligence" thing, I'll make it easy
on you. I'll tell you that it's an integer between 0 and 127, and I'll
even give you seven yes-or-no-questions before I make you guess. But
you'll still never get it right! Try me!

[If you get it wrong:]

Moriarty: Ha! I knew you could never hope to outwit me! And now
nothing stands between me and my UNREASONABLY HIGH PRICES! Ha ha---

Dr. Honey Bare: Wait! ...Best two out of three?

Moriarty: Ah, Honey, you know me too well. Never let it be said that
Professor Moriarty did not give his adversaries a fair fight. So! Two
out of three!

[If you get it wrong a second time, Dr. Honey Bare gets him to offer
three out of five, but - especially if it's because you've somehow
gotten this far without meeting Gadget - she also suggests that maybe
you want to take a break and try to figure out how to beat him, or
wait for your teammates to make contact with another agent. Moriarty,
being a sporting man, lets you take as long as you like, of course. By
the way, you *do* have to win two out of three, or three out five, and
so on - losing one effectively delays you by two. Once you've finally

Moriarty: Bah! A silly game anyway. You'll never stop me --- I've
already set the machine in motion. The only way you could foil my
plans now is if you ripped the heart out of my machine. But you'll
never succeed. Hah!  You don't even know what it looks like! [to
goons] You two! Finish them!  I'm going to go enjoy the new ski slopes
in Hawaii. [runs off cackling]

Goon1: [decks goon2] Now that he's out of the way, I've just gotta
double check: What's Gadget's favorite consonant?

Team: N

(if they don't get it)
Goon1: OK, well when he's cleaning his room, what does he say? Go go
gadget-- [prompts team to fill in blank]


Goon1: I hate skiing. Here are directions to the heart of the machine,
but I can't decipher them. Go to it.

-- team does bible runaround, finds coin. yay ---