Document 4.6: Morale Booster


It seems that the boss asked the psychic what she thought of one of Human Resources' plans for increasing worker productivity, as this page has "PSYCHIC SAYS GREAT IDEA!" scrawled across the top of it. It reads as follows.

In celebration of Acme Corp's 22nd consecutive year of increasing shareholder value and maximizing widget sales across the industry, we, the Motivating Department of Human Resource Management, have decided to announce a contest for a new company song, to replace our previous corporate song Honest Widgets, Made The Way Mother Used To With Just A Pinch Of Love in the Way that Only ACMECorp, a Delaware Corporation, Can.

Since music has been shown to be a powerful motivator (and since our other motivator, the stock option plan, is kind of defunct), we hope you will rise to the challenge of writing and performing an inspirational song to stir the troops.

Your song must rhyme, be at least two minutes in length and not over five, and must contain at least 10 of the following terms from our Annual Report:

  1. ...for the 21st century
  2. accounting irregularities
  3. Alan Greenspan
  4. asset management
  5. balance sheet
  6. benchmarking
  7. best practice
  8. blue-chip
  9. business model
  10. cash flow
  11. commodities
  12. consultant
  13. consumer
  14. core competencies
  15. cost benefit analysis
  16. cost of goods
  17. customer base
  18. delivery
  19. expertise
  20. global
  21. human capital
  22. increased shareholder value
  23. integrated supply-chain management
  24. joint
  25. just-in-time
  1. knowledge management
  2. leadership
  3. leverage
  4. managed growth
  5. market-driven
  6. marketplace
  7. partnerships
  8. positive outlook
  9. price point
  10. process
  11. profit
  12. projections
  13. proprietary
  14. revenue
  15. review process
  16. rosy economic forecast
  17. second quarter earnings warning
  18. Sloan Weenie
  19. small-cap
  20. strategic
  21. structural
  22. synergy
  23. telecoms
  24. value chain
  25. value-added

Perhaps participating in this little contest will give you more information for your quest. But, just to add a little more psychic good will to the enterprise, consult the spirits again as you prepare your submission.

Ask your nearest psychic advisor what type of song you should prepare. If you cannot find a psychic advisor, one will be provided for you at http://8ball.federated.com/. No cheating! The psychic advisors will always know...

If your psychic advisor says:Prepare a song in the style of:
As I see it, yes.Latin dance number
Ask again later.Punk-rock anthem
Better not tell you now.Cabaret
Cannot predict now.Irish drinking song
Concentrate and ask again.Gilbert & Sullivan
Don't count on it.Broadway show tune
It is certain.Jazz standard
It is decidedly so.Sea chanty
Most likely.Rap
My reply is no.50s Doo-wop
My sources say no.Blues
Outlook good.College fight song
Outlook not so good.Reggae/calypso
Reply hazy, try again.Disco
Signs point to yes.Bluegrass
Very doubtful.60s protest song
Without a doubt.Gospel
Yes - definitely.Country/western ballad
Yes.Boy band teen pop
You may rely on it.TV theme song

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