|Round 5||2002 MIT Mystery Hunt|
"The thing I like about bridge is that every bid has a specific meaning."
"Sorry I'm late, boys. There was traffic all through the greens and a hat-jockey-shoe pileup on Park Place. You look lovely, Estelle."
"Thank you, Pennybags, you're looking good too."
"Oh thanks. Admiral, walking without a cane these days I see?"
"You got that right!"
"And since you're sitting at South, Peaches, it looks like I'm partners with you."
"I'll try not to psyche bid too often, grandpa!"
"Don't worry about it! Now it's my deal first?"
"Ummm, Grandpa, why did you bid four hearts there?"
"Oh, that was a sacrifice bid, Peaches. I was pretty sure they were going to make three spades, and I had the long hearts, so I thought it might be worth a shot."
"But we went down four tricks. Wouldn't we have been better off just letting them take the 90 points?"
"Well, no double no trouble is what I always say!"
"Plus the bad trump break caught your grandfather off guard."
"Your deal, Estelle!"
"Made it and two! You two are lucky we didn't bid the slam."
"And you're lucky I don't have my walking stick to cosh you on the noggin with!"
"I'd like to see you try old sport! Why didn't you bid the slam honey?"
"Well I had a 25-count and I couldn't tell from your bid that you actually had both missing aces and the spade jack."
"Well one day you'll learn, honey."
"Thanks for the cue bid, Admiral. I probably wouldn't have led the diamond otherwise, and I think in that case the contract makes."
"Cue bids! You two are trying to pull the wool over old Pennybags's eyes!"
"Nonsense old chap, if anyone's taking anyone for a ride it's you, doubling on a trump void!"
"If you can't understand my bids, I'll bid more slowly next time, you old coot."
"That's one game apiece, Pennybags. The Admiral and I are right on your tail!"
"You think that, don't you? Moneypenny's dealing and he's feeling a stealing!"
"Oh! Can somebody spell 'rubber' for the Uncle?"
"Never you fear, Estelle and I aren't done for the evening yet."
"Oh really? Well maybe you should rub-ber head for good luck? Maybe you should write yourself a rubber check cause I'm driving you broke. Maybe you should hand over your admiralship to Civil War general Rubber T. Lee."
"All right, Pennybags. No need to be such a card."
"Well I'm rubber and you're glue, and everything you say bounces off me and sticks to you."
"Nicely played, Peaches."
"Thanks. I had to take a guess on letting the king of spades ride around, but I figured the Admiral's double marked him for the ace and not you."
"And I had it indeed! Capital play, young lady. You've really taken to the game."
"And my granddaughter's fine play has given us another hefty partscore. Why don't you two just pack it in now?"
"Grampa, why did you double them? You had the four-six of trump and a side jack!"
"Well, you doubled them before, I figured you had something to set them with."
"Grampa! I doubled 'cause they were in no trump and I had six diamond tricks cold."
"Well they didn't turn out to be so cold, did they now?"
"But they weren't in..."
"No buts about it, young lady. If you want to play with the adults, you'll have to learn to double a little less capriciously."
"In all fairness, Penny, she did have all the diamond honors that were worthless with my void."
"In all fairness, you and Captain Queeg can go read Rubberstiltsken."
"And that's a game for the good guys. One game apiece, and we know who won the rubber last time we were in that situation."
"Yes, we do. Anyways, how's that Enron thing going for you?"
"Excuse me, what?"
"He's pointing at the scoresheet, Admiral. I think he's reminding us that they have a rubber and we don't."
"Uh... Indeed he is."
"Grampa, why did you bid four no trump??? We made three and that would have been game!"
"You think I about care about game? The only game I care about is the game that the Modern Major-General and Estella who needs her groove back don't got. You know that movie 'He Got Game'? Well it wasn't written about this partnership!"
"All right, you know that's really quite enough of that, Pennybags. You're setting a terrible example for young Peaches here."
"Oh, so I should be setting her the example of how to lose at bridge and in life, like you?"
"That's not even fair - we set you the last hand! And because of your moronic bid, if I may be blunt."
"All right, Pennybags. What possible reasoning could you have had for that last bid?"
"I'll tell you the reason. You don't have the leadership to get a hundred lemmings off a cliff, and your partner's a spinster who couldn't pay me all the money I already have to marry her."
"Now that's quite enough of you and quite enough of your sorry excuse for cardplaying. I'm taking my leave of you. Can I escort you out, Estelle?"
"Please do. I shall see to it that all the members of the Regency Club hear of this despicable evening. I doubt you'll be brunching with them in the near future."
"Can I get a ride with you two also? I'm embarassed to be related to him."
"Fine! Get out of here! I've played better card games with my two orangutangs! None of you are fit to sit at the same table with a Pennybags! Do you hear me??? NONE OF YOU!!! GET OUT OF MY SIGHT!!!!!"
"Um, guys? Admiral? Estelle? Peachy? sigh........."